Given events of this past weekend, today's horoscope seems particularly pertinent right now:
Something is just not the same as it was, and your worry is gnawing away at you. Your tendency to avoid change can be detrimental now, for you will be better off if you are willing to try something new. Fortunately, once you let go of your fear, this transition won't demand a lot of effort on your part. Continue to look forward to the future, but don't get caught up in the drama of the present moment.
Over the weekend, it was clear to me that something is just not the same as it was. There was a really weird vibe between W and me, the kind of vibe I have gotten before when there is something ominous he wants to discuss but is holding back. So yes, I would say my worry is gnawing away at me. I keep waiting to hear what it is that has the tension so high.
The only thing he said to me to give me any indication of what's going on was on Saturday morning when he said that he gets nervous every weekend when I come home to LOH because he anticipates that I will tell him it's all over. What a perfect opening, a perfect time to say you are right, it is, goodbye. But I didn't. I didn't say a word. I let the moment pass in awkward silence. Your tendency to avoid change can be detrimental now, for you will be better off if you are willing to try something new.
Fortunately, once you let go of your fear, this transition won't demand a lot of effort on your part. Wow, if I could really believe that, if I thought that if I let go of my fear of splitting with W that the transition wouldn't require herculean effort on my part to deal with the emotional fallout this would be so much easier. Interesting, too, is how often lately BJ and I have discussed how the fireworks of ending it all with our respective spouses would be short lived compared to the long term result of he and I being able to be together. Continue to look forward to the future, but don't get caught up in the drama of the present moment.
We've also discussed how we've not been as careful as we could be to not get caught. Either of our spouses at any time could look at the cell phone bills and see very quickly one number on each bill that appears almost daily sometimes several times in a day. Would this not spark some question in their minds? Have they already seen it and chosen to ignore it? Do they not want to know? And yes, I know, so far we've both taken the chicken shit way out of leaving "careless" clues so that we don't have to directly confront the issue. We've made it so that maybe, just maybe, our partners will put two and two together and be the ones to confront it. Maybe we are all, all four of us being the world champion avoiders by choosing to not address the 400 lb gorilla in the room. Your tendency to avoid change can be detrimental now, for you will be better off if you are willing to try something new.
Today's horoscope is going to echo through my head throughout the day and maybe longer. . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
You know spouses aren't the only ones that play that game. People do it in friendships, professional relationships, families...you name it. It's always hard to be the one to rock the boat and start the ball rolling to end things. (Goodness could I have squeezed one more cliche in there?!) Anyway, I'd bet that it's going to hurt everyone involved, but you need to say it and then deal with the fall out. I say that for you and for BJ. Think of all these days and little moments that are passing by that could be yours with the one you love. Fear can get in the way of a lot of things...don't let it get in the way of your happiness!
OF and I are exactly the same way in terms of the cell phone calls...it really would be easy to bust us...but we're not willing to stop either.
Steff - You're right that it doesn't just happen with spouses. I've seen elsewhere too. Fear of the unknown, fear of others' reactions, fear of standing on my own two feet. Yes, fear would certainly be a big factor in what's holding me back.
DH - Obviously, it wouldn't be the end of the world if we got caught. Otherwise, we'd be more careful about covering our tracks. As BJ pointed out to me in our discussion about this, if we were really worried about getting caught we'd get prepaid cell phones that our spouses didn't know about and use those.
Post a Comment