Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Weekend With W, Part II

Picking up where we last left off, Trueself and W were spending the weekend together in LNJ while N spent the weekend with Trueself's parents. After a rocky start, things improved on Saturday. What would Sunday bring, and how is Trueself feeling after all of this? Well, let's find out.

Sunday, the last day of the weekend, we slept in again although not as late as Saturday. Our original intention was to go to church, and we still had plenty of time even getting up when we did. We each had decided we didn't want to go but would go for the other person. Once we finally said this to each other we decided not to go. This whole process probably took about an hour whereas if either of us had just spoken up to begin with it would've taken two minutes. We went to breakfast (no I did not cook one single meal this weekend) and read the local paper and eavesdropped on the large table of senior citizens next to us who had obviously just come from church. We lingered over coffee after breakfast had been eaten. We finally made our way back to our new house to drop off all the stuff (well, except the washer and dryer which will be delivered later) we'd bought the day before. We hung out there for a while just kind of soaking it all in, taking in the ambience, revisiting furniture placement ideas, trying various keys in various locks and getting them matched up. About the time we were leaving to head back to my rental place, the cleaning lady I hired to scrub the place down before we move in showed up with her crew (her husband and daughter). We chatted a few minutes and then left.

W and I went back to my place and watched the Bulls move on in the playoffs. Just as the game was ending W's cell phone rang. The cleaning lady's husband had found a bad leak in the kitchen ceiling apparently from the upstairs bathroom. It had gone unnoticed before because it was dripping inside a cabinet onto the top shelf. It was, and is, a mess. We hurried back over there, found the water shutoff valve and shut off water to the house. By the time we got there, they had cleaned up the water from the shelf and put a pitcher under the hole in the ceiling to catch further drips. Thank goodness for the home warranty. The repairs will cost us only $100 no matter how bad the problem is. I thought to myself as we were dealing with all this that it's this kind of crap that makes me have to stay with W. He knows how to deal with stuff like this. He's the one that always deals with stuff like this. I'm the one that's always made him deal with stuff like this because it requires phone calls and meeting with plumbers (or whatever type worker is needed for the problem du jour) at the house and all manner of things that make shy introverted people want to go crawl in a hole and curl up in the fetal position until it's all over. So I was really really glad W was here and that he hadn't yet left for LOH. Once we got the plumbing crisis abated, it was time for W to leave. He hugged me and even kissed me on the lips (hadn't done that in a while). And away he drove, and I was alone once again except that he did call to get directions to my parents' house (yes, he's been there many many times before, but never coming from this direction which is different than from LOH).

So we got along pretty well this weekend. We didn't have too many arguments. We were as intimate (that one kiss on the lips) as we've been in months. I sense that he's trying. But what about me? I feel like the situation and the decisions facing me are every bit as complex as the following diagram (which has nothing whatsoever to do with my situation but is simply there to illustrate complexity):

So what now? Do I just keep letting life roll along carrying me on whatever waves of emotion are strongest at the moment? I dunno. I just don't know. I wish there was a way to just submit all the information and wait for the answer to appear, but something tells me that's not going to happen.


freebird said...

Hi dear TS. Just quickly looking in here...
Couple of things struck me as interesting in this post. One was... I wonder why you two are skirting around a subject like whether you want to go to church or not. The other is that you seem to succumb very easily to a position of dependence on W (re the plumber issue), and maybe he's done the same with his directions (it is supposed to be very unusual for men to ask directions!).
One suggests that you've drifted very far apart, and the other that you are clinging on desperately.

I don't know quite what to conclude from that - just my immediate impression. x

Trueself said...

Why did we skirt the church issue? Because it is what we do. We both make assumptions (generally wrong ones) about what the other is thinking and in an effort not to hurt the other's feelings we hesitate to say something simple like, "Gee, I've decided I'd really rather not go to church today."
Instead we say things like:
TS: "Well. . . so. . . um. . . I guess we ought to get dressed for church. . . if you still want to go. . ."
W: "I'm happy to go if you want to. . ."
TS: "Well, it doesn't matter to me, but I'll go if you want. . ."
W: "I don't want you to go just for me."
TS: "Well, no, I wouldn't be. I guess we ought to go. . ."
W: "I'd be just as happy not going if it's alright with you. . ."
TS: "Really? Are you sure? Because I'd really rather not go but didn't want to upset you."
W: "Oh well, I really didn't want to go, but I didn't want YOU to be upset."

Gee, perhaps we have just the slightest communication issue between us, ya' think?

And yes we are desperately clinging, but the big question is, to what are we clinging? A lost cause? Someone to shore us up at our weak points? I don't know.

Fiona said...

I'll let you into a little secret TS. Once you HAVE to find a plumber and get a problem fixed, you realise how easy it really is. Same thing with that diagram. It only LOOKS complicated to the uninitiated.

Is having someone around who makes it easy to arrange for home repairs, enough reason to stay?

Only you can answer that hon.

Trueself said...

Fiona- I have waited a bit to reply to your comment because I've been thinking about your question:
Is it enough reason to stay?
I so badly want to say no it isn't. I really badly want to say that. I'm trying to get myself to a place where I can say that. Maybe dealing with the plumber this week, and the painter, and the cleaning lady, will help convince me that I can do this.

Fiona said...

I believe it will. I really do TS :)