Tense Times

I was so stunned with my diagnosis on Monday I couldn't even remember the name of the STD I have when I talked to J after the appointment. Once I found out, I emailed him yesterday morning.

J,

It is trichomoniasis. They are also testing me for chlamydia, syphilis and HIV. I thought maybe this would be good information to have when you go to your doctor.

I should have my test results back by Friday. I will let you know how they turn out. I would appreciate knowing also how yours turn out. I would just like to try to figure out this mystery of where this came from. W is going to go get tested today, and he intends to ask how long he or I might have had this with no symptoms. Hopefully the answer is a very long time, and then his test results come back positive. Although if that is the case, then I owe you a huge apology for possibly spreading something to you that I had no idea I had.

I did not tell W about what happened last Saturday. I have acted as though I believe he gave this to me and hammered him with questions about his fidelity, kind of using "the best defense is a strong offense" theory. For what it's worth, he absolutely insists on his complete fidelity to me and says he is bewildered at how this could have happened. I am somewhat surprised that he hasn't questioned my fidelity at all.

I feel like the pregnant teenager who says "How could this happen to me? I only did it once!"

Love,
Trueself

J called me in the middle of the afternoon. Apparently, for some reason, for his appointment with his dr. he needed my dr's name. Not sure I understand why, but I gave it to him. After all, with medical confidentiality my dr. can't release information, and even if he did all J or his dr. would find out is that I was telling the truth about all this. He also wanted to know (he hadn't read my above email yet) if I had found out the name of it. So I told him that. He asked what W had said when I asked him about it, and I told him he swore up and down that he was innocent. I couldn't go into a lot of details because I was at work, so after we got off the phone I sent yet another email to share with him what W had told me after his dr. appointment yesterday.

J,

Sorry I couldn't talk a whole lot this afternoon, but sitting at my desk in my cubicle next to a bunch of other very quiet accountants sitting at their desks in their cubicles just doesn't allow for privacy. Hopefully, I was able to at least give you the information you needed.

The dr. told W that he could have had this thing for a long time without it being detected. Apparently the most likely scenario if that is the case is that he had it for a while, but men don't always show symptoms like women do. Then when he and I attempted but failed at something a couple of weeks ago, there may have been enough contact for me to contract it from him. The dr. didn't even test him for it, just assumed he has it and gave him antibiotics for it (thank goodness, because worst case scenario for me would be if they found he didn't have it at all making it much more difficult to explain). Anyway, W seems to accept that explanation so I'm just going with the flow. Seems to accept it yet there is still an edge to his voice that makes me nervous. Anyway, no need to bring up other possibilities as long as we're going with that one.

So assuming W transmitted it to me, I apologize to you for possibly passing it along. If I had thought that there was even a remote chance of something like this I would not have done anything on Saturday. I am so, so sorry. I truly hope this doesn't make you regret Saturday. I don't.

Love,
Trueself

Truly, just about the only thing that could make this worse at this point would be if I find out in a few weeks that I'm pregnant. Not that I think I am, but I'm just saying. . .