Monday, October 02, 2006

Hung up on One Little Thing

How important is one little thing, one little detail, to a relationship? That's what I'm struggling with these days. If a relationship is in trouble, but there is still some good in it is it worth working to salvage and at what point do you deem it unsalvageable? If a relationship is new and wonderful, but there is one small piece missing, not a huge piece, but a small piece that feels crucial to you, is it worth trying to make it work? Since no relationship is ever going to be perfect, how do you decide what the deal breakers are versus when you are being too picky? If you've put up with certain things for a long time does it mean that you've given up rights to want it differently ever? Is it better to settle when you've already got history behind you rather than when it is with someone new? Is it better to stay with the known, with all it's flaws, than to jump into the unknown which may have flaws just as bad or worse? Or is it better to make the jump, and work to make the new relationship work? Or would it just be better to give up relationships altogether and join a convent?

I hate my life.


New Girl said...

Deal breakers are just that-deal breakers. Only you can know and decide what yours are.

Ask yourself how much this "thing" is going to bother you in everyday life. For years and years. Don't convince yourself you are picky, just to end compromising yourself and your happiness. And losing a few more years of your life.

freebird said...

Ah, if only we knew the answer to that... I suppose it just proves that no relationship, old or new, will just work without some degree of effort at some stage.
You've put it so well, I can hardly add much. But I think that if there are little niggles when it's all shiny and new, when the gloss of novelty wears off they could turn into major irritations and even bitter resentment, and you could end up asking yourself, "why didn't I take more notice of that at the time?". OR... if love is strong enough you 'work' at rising above it!

Pink said...

You are a strong woman. Your happiness is important. After all, life is so short....we deserve to be happy. I am a slow learner, but I am making progress everyday towards finding my happiness. I know you will make the right decision for you. No one else can do it for you.

Pink.....PS: I need your email address again. Sorry it was deleted with the old address.

trueself said...

Thanks all for your comments. The good news is that following a lunchtime phone conversation I am impressed that my issue was taken more seriously than I originally perceived. A willingness to not only work towards a solution but to actually take the initiative to seek a solution makes me much less upset by the whole thing than I originally was. Also, I will admit to being a bit sleep-deprived, probably resulting in me overblowing the situation to some extent.

Pink, you can use the email on my "regular" blog. I will then send you the email address that you can use for future correspondence. I'm sure you understand why I don't necessarily care to share that info on this blog.

Emily said...

I don't see you joining a convent, somehow :-)

trueself said...

Yeah, you're probably right on that one. A convent would probably suit me very poorly.