Lunch with Rod Serling

;lToday at lunch I had the most surreal conversation with W that I’ve ever had. It was truly bizarre. The conversation started innocently enough about some household issues that needed to be taken care of.

I forget how the conversation shifted, but it did, to our relationship and how we have started (oh W, only started?) to drift apart again. I agreed that yes we have. We both acknowledged that even hugs and kisses have become virtually non-existent. Seems he had some time to think while I was away this past weekend and realized that there is a growing divide between us. (you think? Really?) He realizes that he needs to make more of an effort (okay, good realization but haven’t seen you try to follow through). So far this was a relatively reasonable conversation. We had yet to tumble down the rabbit hole into a surreal and bizarre wonderland of disagreement.

And then we tumbled. I admitted to being disappointed in the lack of intimate contact. I asked how long we’ve had the Viagra. About 2 months, he replied (correct). I asked how many we had used so far (thinking he would say none as I hadn’t mentioned the missing ones). He said he wasn’t sure, maybe 2 or 3. I was stunned, surprised by his candor. I asked with whom he used them, and he replied that he used them with me. WITH ME?!?!?!?!? WTF?!?!?!?

Suddenly we were no longer in wonderland but had transitioned to a place I would call the Twilight Zone (I half expected Rod Serling to walk past and introduce the episode). We proceeded to spend the rest of my lunch break arguing (thank god I was sitting in my car in the parking garage and couldn’t be overheard) about whether or not we have had Viagra-enhanced sex in the past two months. He swears yes. I swear no. He claims he’s going to look at the calendar this afternoon and give me dates when it happened. When I returned to my desk I went back to my blog and looked for any mentions of W and me having sex since he got the Viagra because I have been pretty meticulous at blogging such things. I still say no because what I found was this:

8/13 We had sex (kind of) at my initiation when I awoke in the middle of the night and was unable to sleep
8/30 We had sex (again kind of) upon first waking in the morning
9/9 W claimed that he tried to initiate sex when he came to bed at 1:00 a.m. but I was sound asleep

Now, the first two of those times he had no chance to take it prior to our getting started unless he took it the night before, but he would have had no idea that I was going to initiate anything on either of those occasions so it doesn’t make a lot of sense that he would have. The third one he might have used the Viagra before coming to bed, but if he went to that much trouble wouldn’t he then go to the trouble of waking me to have sex instead of giving up when he found me to be asleep?

He even swears that we talked about him having taken the Viagra while we were having sex. No, now that is just wrong. I know we never talked about it during any of our intimate times. No we didn’t. He insists we did.

One of us is crazy. I hope it isn’t me.

Why does that eerie Twilight Zone theme keep playing in the background?