From reading several blogs, and I do tend to gravitate a lot of my reading on those with sexual tensions within their relationships, I have come to the conclusion that there are some of us, several of us, that at least on occasion feel somewhat like perverts just because we want sex.
In the main, the kinds of sex we are asking for is not terribly out of the ordinary. We may not want just pure vanilla sex, although we may, but most of the time I don't read that people are wanting bizarre things. No, we just want sex! And for the most part, we just want it with our significant others.
People, we are not perverts simply because we want sex on a somewhat regular basis. I put forth to you that those who are withholding this most natural and normal human function are more perverted than we.
I would go on, but I've got to get some work done now. Feel free to discuss this in the comments section (she says with no intention whatsoever of being a comment whore).
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12 comments:
Amen and amen!!!!!
Yes, absolutely! It makes me angry to think now about how my partner used to imply that there was something terribly wrong with me if I wanted sex more than twice a year! Its very easy to make a person feel ashamed of their sexuality, their body, and imply that just because you don't happen to want any, that's because you occupy some higher, less selfish spiritual plane.
He doesn't pull that stunt any more, but just thinking about what he did to my head at the time really shits me!
I don't think my partner is perverted for not wanting sex. But I do think that the periods when he has made no effort to meet my needs were deeply selfish and unrealistic on his part.
I'm a single woman living alone...I don't and never have done the casual sex thing...never will.
I do NOT understand people in relationships where sex is withheld or not wanted....where it's used as a weapon or a form of blackmail.
I just sometimes go aaaarrrggghhhh when I read or hear of marriages where the physical side is unfulfilled...it must just be so damn awful being in one of those with someone who DOES want sex and physical attention and intimacy.
Like I said to someone recently...I want to take the erring partner and shake them and say god's sake don't you know what you have there??? Try being single out here sometime and you might start appreciating it.
I do understand how the wrong partner can make you feel wanting sex is wrong....my god I do. I even had a husband (many years ago and long since gone) who never consumated the marriage. That took a long long time to get over.
it must just be so damn awful being in one of those with someone who DOES want sex and physical attention and intimacy
hahahahahaha that should read
it must just be so damn awful being in one of those AS someone who DOES want sex and physical attention and intimacy
makes a huge difference *L*
FL,
Thanks
Emily,
You know I believe you're right that your BD isn't perverted for not wanting sex, and he's proving it by working around his limitations. On the other hand, on some of the blogs I read I do believe that the "nonsexual" spouse is somewhat perverted in that they seem like they cannot allow themselves to enjoy sex, or in some cases seem to want to make their partner feel bad for wanting sex. That is what I see as perversion, not someone willing to work with their partner and make an effort at pleasing their partner.
Fiona,
Whew! So glad you posted the correcting comment. You had me worried there for a moment, and it seemed so out of character for you.
I'm nodding sadly here. Lack of time and privacy prevent me from saying all I'd like to here, so maybe I'll refer back to this in a post sometime, if you don't mind.
FB,
Feel free to run with this in a post of your own sometime. I would enjoy getting your perspective on the issue.
I honestly think that women that DO NOT want sex must not have had really really good sex because it is sooooo good to have good sex. Sometimes we do however have to ask ourselves.....Who knows better how to please oneself, then oneself. And if you are the only one that can please you, there is a problem. Sit down with the man and tell him what he is doing wrong. You are NOT a pervert trueself, just a woman that has enjoyed sex and would like to enjoy it some more. How wonderful is that? :)
I think about this topic a lot. I grew up thinking sex was wrong and then I hit college and sex was the only think I was thinking about. I've come to believe that I am unique in my family and circle of friends in that I actively pursue and enjoy sex. I get angry when I think about how sex is treated in the media and by people in general. But then when they are in private it is a whole different story. Sex is wrong, but only if you get caught. I wrote a post about this that was titled "I Hate Women." As a woman myself I'm not actually saying that I hate all women and a lot of men fit in to the spouse who witholds sex. Women are just the more common offenders. You should check it out if you haven't yet.
Sex should never be used as a punishment or be witheld because one is pissed off at their partner. That is just plain wrong! When asked by a friend who does "punish" her husband by witholding why I thought it was a bad idea, my answer was: Because if I'm not giving any, then I won't be getting any and I don't deserve that punishment! I enjoy and want sex.
I guess it's all in how we see it - sex is good and should be enjoyed. There's A LOT of unhappy people out there about their sex life, or lack of. When I grew up sex was talked about the same way we would the weather, it's part of nature and nothing to be ashamed of. Granted there are some really messed up sex games out there, but like everthing else in life, one can choose to leave!
...my two cent!
Karin,
Yes, it is indeed wonderful to enjoy sex.
Mia,
I went over to your blog and read your "I Hate Women" post and a few others. Yes, you were right on in that post.
SP,
I agree that it is wrong to withhold sex as punishment. You are so right that you are punishing yourself just as much as your partner, unless you are one of those people who doesn't care for sex in the first place. Then I think they use the punishment as one more way to get out of sex.
BJ,
I never said I wasn't a pervert. I just said that desiring sex doesn't make me a pervert. You know me better than to think I'm not a pervert!!
mr. hb,
I believe that would be all the porn you look at and the blogs you read on the internet, would it not? ;-)
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