Since obviously nobody else takes into account my feelings when saying and doing things (N had quite the snit this morning) I'm just thinking I should start making decisions without taking into account how it might impact others. I think I should just do what I want to do and to hell with what others think or how it might impact others. Enough worrying that I might hurt someone or drive them away. From now on, to hell with all of them. I'll just do things my way. So there!
So here’s the deal. There is something that I really want to do, and I was thinking of that thing when I wrote the above passage. I’ve thought about it, researched it, and then kind of tested the waters with a couple of people close to me to see how they felt about it. Neither person was terribly enthusiastic when I brought it up. Both hedged but left me with the impression that they would not be happy if I do this thing. As usual I backed away from probing further after getting the initial negative reaction.
Just for the record, what I am considering doing is not illegal. It is nothing highly unusual. It might be considered somewhat controversial. It is something that will limit certain bad habits of mine and hopefully set me onto a better path about certain things.
I think I’m going to do it, but I don’t know for sure yet. What I absolutely do want to do though is make this decision for myself and applying the “to hell with all of them” theory. Therefore I’m not sharing with anybody else what it is unless and until I do it. I just want to make up my own mind and make my own choice. So there. [feeling an overwhelming urge to stick out my tongue and say “Nyah, nyah, nyah.”]
Why is it so bleepity bleep bleep hard to just make my own decisions and not feel like I have to take a poll of everyone I know until I can get a consensus on what should be done? No more!
First resolution for the upcoming year: Practice making my own decisions without requiring everyone around me to be happy with those decisions. Be okay with people being pissed off that I no longer defer to their every opinion. Break free of the burdens placed upon me by my own self-imposed “rules.” I do NOT have to make everyone else happy, nor do I have to feel guilty when others around me are not happy. I DO have to strive to bring happiness to myself. Lord, give me strength to follow through on this resolution.