Thursday, February 28, 2008

Backslide

Yep, went into a tiny tailspin last night, went to bed early, called BJ and talked for two hours.

I know, I know, I erased his number from my cell phone. It isn't erased from my brain yet though.

Did it serve any purpose? Well, yeah actually, I think it did. It reinforced just how over we are as a couple. It also showed me that we can continue to be friends with each other.

And now for a little insight that I think I've received in the last couple of days. I do believe that God is trying to show me that I have to find a way to be comfortable being alone before I can be with someone. Ick. I hate when I have to learn these lessons the hard way.

5 comments:

Bunny said...

Sometimes some time on your own is good. Learn to love you, before you try to love someone else again.

Hugs

The Silent Male said...

Moving on from a relationship is not an easy process. Sometimes things like this happening are part of that process. It won't change that you need to stay on the path of letting go of BJ, but talking with him in an intimate way like that does not make you less of a woman. It means you are a woman with desires that are in flux.

lill-rambler said...

It's a hard lesson to learn. I don't know if this will help you, but I found it helped me to join a group who had nothing whatsoever to do with meeting potential partners. For me it was a sewing circle with mostly older women. Of course that requires an enjoyment of sewing to start with (!). Maybe there is a group within your church or something? I found it helped me to have something I could immerse myself in that was just for me, and just something I did on my own (especially when the ex was still living here). I made good friends through the group too, although it took a while as I was pretty withdrawn to start with. But it was nice to have the group to go to just to listen to others and to try and get the focus of myself at such a miserable time. Worth a thought?

Bunny said...

lill-rambler makes a good point. I belong to a few groups (all through my church) that help me take my mind off my things and just fellowship with some other folks. One is actually an outreach ministry, but the others aren't. One is a support/activity group for moms and the other is a book group. Gets me out of the house, meeting people, but no pressure.

It is nice to just hang with some different folks for a while.

Trueself said...

Bunny - Yes, time on my own. Sigh. . . not something that has ever been comfortable for me.

SM - Did I say I talked to him in an intimate way? Because I didn't. Oh, maybe because I went to bed before calling. No, that was just to gain privacy.

Lill - I definitely need to find a group like that. I will start looking around. Sewing wouldn't be it for me, but there are other interests I could definitely pursue.

Bunny - It would be nice to hang with some different folks for a while. Yes indeed.