W and I are trying to maintain separate households within one household, and it is just not working, not at all. I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, we could get along civilly in one house, go about our own lives, but that just isn't happening. He refuses to tell me anything about his comings and goings but wants to know about mine. Not okay. He doesn't want to divide up our time with N, but wants us to continue doing things as a family, all three of us. Not okay. Last weekend, I kept N out of W's hair, allowing W to come and go as he pleased all weekend. Today, W is supposed to have N so I made plans to attend a function at church this afternoon, but now both W and N want me to give that up to spend family time at an impromptu group outing to a local pizza place with his basketball team. So we all end up in a shouting and crying match in the car on the way home from N's basketball game. Shit.
This is not working, and I'm the only one capable of making the necessary change.
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Evening Update
Well, I made enough ruckus earlier to cause both W and N to feel like shit. Yeah, I'm just a bitch, but I ended up attending the function at church while they went to the pizza party. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. They were showing two documentaries related to sustainable agriculture. It is amazing what greed does to destroy our environment. It is amazing how we as a society turn a blind eye to so much that we do to ruin the very world over which God gave us stewardship. Anyway, it was well worth attending, and I'm glad I stood my ground about going even though it left me with the accusation of being a selfish bitch. If people keep calling me that I may start believing it.
By the time I got home everything seemed to be back to normal, whatever that is around here. W was in the office playing solitaire on the PC and N had gone to "the hill" to go sledding. I made dinner for the three of us, a simple Mediterranean style pasta dish and Caesar salad. Now they've gone to some sort of event about bugs. I am at home, alone, blissfully watching a chick flick, relaxing and just being me. Sitting here I think now this is what it would be like to really be divorced and have W have N for the weekend. This would be good. This would be very, very good.
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7 comments:
He needs to go my friend, you are right, this is NOT working and N should not have to deal with it at all.
It is nice to hope that it could work, but the reality is that if he was the type of person that might have been able to make it work, you might not be getting the divorce in the first place. Wish you the best with the next big talk.
Sorry to hear that this is happening but I'm not surprised. It's too bad that W is using N as a pawn in his attempts to get you to do what he want you to.
It doesn't sound like it's really a good thing - even though you're giving it your best intentions.
I had been divorced for over 12 years... I enjoyed "my" time and sometimes I miss it.
Hang in there!
He needs to go, my friend...and NOW!! Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I know what you are dealing with all too well and it SUCKS. He needs to go...for you, for N, and despite what he may think, for HIM too.
***BIG HUGS***
Drama
I've left a comment before that my ex and I tried this and it didn't work. For me, the worst thing was not being able to really plan anything because I was so dependent on his 'mood of the day'. Would he be co-operative? Would he decide his needs were more important than mine? It was a day to day gamble that just ended up fraying my nerves, and no doubt ticking him off as well as I'm sure I was no angel. For me, it was better to be on my own (with our daughter) and able to plan accordingly. Good luck Tru!
Karin - Absolutely.
John - the reality is that if he was the type of person that might have been able to make it work, you might not be getting the divorce in the first place Exactly what I was thinking as today unfolded.
Summer - It is particularly bad that he uses N as a pawn when he is the one that constantly talks about how we shouldn't do that.
C-Marie - Oh well, where's that road lead that's paved with good intentions? Yeah, I seem to be headed there and need to find a better path.
Drama - Yes he does need to go. He very badly needs to go.
Lill - How do they do that? Turn the cooperation on and off from day to day. It would tire me to be so inconsistent. Sigh. . .
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