That Was Weird

Just like almost everything in my life these days, the talk with W was weird. Well, not the talk itself, but the fact that W fell asleep during the talk. At least that seems weird to me.

Before he went to sleep though, I guess the talk went as well as one could expect. Mostly I talked and he listened. After a while though I stopped talking and just waited. Eventually, he did engage in some amount of discussion. He tried the "I'll leave and neither you or N will ever see me again" tactic a couple of times. Both times I replied to him that I don't think that would be the best choice for him to make, particularly for N, but that if he makes that choice so be it. When that one didn't work, he tried the "But I'm working so hard to make things better. How can you be so ungrateful?" tactic a couple of times too. I told him that I recognized that he's tried, and I've tried too. We haven't been successful in spite of trying. I'm tired of trying and waiting, and I think it's time to move on. I also added that if I stayed longer it would not be out of love or commitment, but only out of feeling that I am being held hostage to emotional blackmail. That hurt him I know, but it's true, and I felt like I had to say it that strongly for him to really understand that this is over, for real and for true, that he must get out of my house. I know we got to that point of understanding before he dozed off.

Damn, I did it. I really truly did it. I really am strong after all.

Now, do I just leave him sleeping on the sofa, or wake him and tell him he should go to bed? Yeah, I think leave him on the sofa. I'd rather just not have more of this conversation until tomorrow when he's had some time to think about it. . . or sleep on it. . . or whatever. . .