Monday, February 18, 2008

Crushed

Why is it that every time in my life that I start to feel the least bit good about myself something has to happen to remind me what a lowlife nothing I really am? I so looked forward to being an adult when I wouldn’t have to deal with pettiness and cattiness. It just doesn’t go away though, not even when you’re in your 40’s, and it still hurts just as bad as when you’re in your teens. Why is it necessary to batter my self esteem until I’m a quivering mess? Why can I not just be allowed to move forward in life? I’m not trying to hurt anybody. I’m not trying to do anything but move on. Why is that so bad?

I’ll just go crawl under a rock now. Don’t know that I’ll post much of anything of any substance for a while.

8 comments:

Bunny said...

You are a beautiful, intelligent, sexy, and sensual woman who has a lot to offer as a friend, parent, and lover. Anyone who says different is an ass and should just be ignored.

Hugs to you, True.

Summer said...

Please try to ignore the cattiness of other people and know that you're in a better place. Some people are just ignorant of anyone other than themselves and how they feel. Sometimes karma will turn about and bite them in the ass. Don't be afraid to post what you feel.

The Silent Male said...

True - it is ok not to beat yourself up. Nobodies opinion outside of you defines you. The cattiness and pettiness other people get into reflects on their lack of being a good person, not on whether or not you are.

Trueself said...

Bunny - Thank you, but I think you are too kind.

Summer - I'd just rather not leave myself open to misinterpretation for a while.

SM - Thanks, I appreciate your friendship.

sulky girl said...

Oh True.. this story so reminds me of a time just before Christmas when the man I had been living with for months told me he was planning his future with a Canadian woman he met online blogging.

I yelled at him for a couple of hours .. pointing out this Canadian woman wrote on her blog about sleeping with several men who were already in relationships.. sometimes two or three in a week. And I asked.. which bit of this woman's morals do you find yourself more attracted to..?

He stuck to his guns for a couple of hours. I kicked him out of our bed - I mean if he was planning a life with the Canada woman he certainly didn't need to keep having sex with me, hey?

Needless to say he came around to my thinking pretty quickly and now we find ourselves incredulous that the cycle continues with this girl. Once she described me as an emotional trainwreck.. I have to send that one straight back to her I am afraid..

For a while I felt pretty sick in the guts, depressed and down over what this woman said about me - and about how my man was so easily swayed her way.. and then I got strong. Darlin' I imagine in around 3.5 days you are gonna get strong too. Don't doubt yourself. Keep going along your way in life and be thankful you are not a Canadian woman - they must be pretty hard up if they have to keep having sex with married/taken men..

(this is by no means a slur on Canadian women.. just one Canadian woman who seems to be caught in groundhog day..)

Trueself said...

Sulky Girl - My my, that is indeed a familiar sounding story. You are lucky that you have a strong enough man to realize his mistake before ruining what he has with you.

Summer said...

I don't tell many people this but in my own relationship my husband got mixed up with a Canadian woman, it was bad but through counciling we got through it.Today we're better than ever. My hubby and I each had a therapist and found out internet affairs are quite common now. But what was really strange was when we each told them that it was a woman from Canada, they smiled and said uh huh and didn't seem surprised. Seems to me there's something about the female species to our north. I realize I shouldn't lump them all in that catagory. For the most part I'm sure they're decent human being and I apologize to the one's that are.

Trueself said...

Summer - My how this seems to be a recurring theme. Perhaps we're worried about the wrong borders in this country. ;-)