Why is it that every time in my life that I start to feel the least bit good about myself something has to happen to remind me what a lowlife nothing I really am? I so looked forward to being an adult when I wouldn’t have to deal with pettiness and cattiness. It just doesn’t go away though, not even when you’re in your 40’s, and it still hurts just as bad as when you’re in your teens. Why is it necessary to batter my self esteem until I’m a quivering mess? Why can I not just be allowed to move forward in life? I’m not trying to hurt anybody. I’m not trying to do anything but move on. Why is that so bad?
I’ll just go crawl under a rock now. Don’t know that I’ll post much of anything of any substance for a while.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
THIS BLOG IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. Anyone under 18 should leave immediately. This blog started as a place to chronicle my attempt at rekindling a long ago romance in spite of the fact that we were both married to others but evolved into a journal of my sexual revolution and now what is hopefully my maturation into a fully functional adult.
Just Who Do I Think I Am?
- Trueself
- A Little Place I Call Home, Midwest, United States
- I'm a middle-aged woman going through a midlife crisis. Sometimes I wonder if I'll live through it. Trying to figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing.
Join The Masses Who Follow Me
Posts
Countdowns
First anniversary of Mom's death.
Words to Live By
- We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all exist very nicely in the same box. -- Unknown
- Sometimes you just do what you gotta do, mess or not. -- BJ
- The power to believe in yourself, is the power to change fate.
- You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.
- Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -- Plato
- Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. -- Matthew 7:1-5
Thanks Stinkypaw
FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed
Who's Who in Trueself's World
- Trueself (aka TS) - Me, a fat nerdy middle-aged widow with a great job (provided the company stays in business), a great son, and a messed up life
- N - My son, my reason for living, the greatest gift God ever gave me besides His own Son
- J - My high school sweetheart with whom I share love and the occasional rendezvous
- W - My husband, for better or worse; I took care of him until the day he died.
- Freud - My therapist
- Dr K - My psychiatrist, the one who medicates me when the talk therapy with Freud just isn't enough
- Boss - My previous supervisor who used to scare the shit out of me and now I only find mildly annoying on most days.
- Snow White - A coworker, also psycho
- Betty - A coworker who is practically perfect in every way and more than a little annoying to the rest of us mere mortals
- FU - My brother; the initials here may or may not represent what I would like to tell him most of the time
- FU2 - FU's wife, my sister-in-law
- Bella and Ella - My two nieces, daughters of FU and FU2
- Gladys - My next door neighbor whom I've named after the nosy neighbor on Bewitched. They're two of a kind.
- RB - Temporary housemate who lived with us while she was separated from her husband.
- TS2 - Former housemate who just so happens to have the same first name as I do. She drove W & N crazy, and sometimes me a little bit too, but the extra income from her rent sure helped.
- M - FWB from early fall 2009 through spring 2010 when he moved a couple of hours away
- BJ (aka Z) - The man I loved who just didn't turn out to be the right one no matter how much I loved him
- D - A former coworker and former friend who is in very many ways completely opposite of me. Why we get along is anyone's guess, but we did. . . until we didn't.
- C - My bestest best friend I thought, but we've drifted apart
- Q - W's girlfriend while he and I were separated
- H, K, & S - Guys I met online who shared with me various levels of adult type fun from time to time
- G & L - Guys I met online that went nowhere
- R & V - Women I met online that went nowhere
- T - J's second ex-wife
- If an actual name is used instead of just a letter it is generally not the real name but a name made up to protect anonymity.
Where Did You Say That Is?
- LNJ - Where I currently live (stands for Location of New Job)
- LOH - Where I lived before (stands for Location of Old Home)
- ST1 - Small Town 1, where I was born and where my grandparents lived
- TV1 - Tiny Village 1, where I spent infancy and a few years after TV2
- TV2 - Tiny Village 2, where I lived during toddlerhood
- TV3 - Tiny Village 3, where I spent most of my elementary school years
- ST2 - Small Town 2, where I lived during the high school/college years
An Eclectic Mix of Really Fine Blogs
- 2AMSomewhere
- Al Laddin Sayne
- All of Her Secrets
- An East Wind
- Attack of the Redneck Mommy
- Cassandra's Korner
- Code Name D.A.D.
- Crazy in Love
- Dad's Life
- Desperate Husband
- Down the Rabbit Hole
- Emily's Post
- Fade to Numb
- Finding My Way
- Foolish Mutterings
- For a Different Kind of Girl
- Freebird Flying
- Gotta Go My Own Way
- Gray?
- Her Bad Mother's Basement
- Hyperbole and a Half
- I Should've Been Famous By Now
- Illinois Loyalty
- Incurable
- Karin's Korner
- Living in the Kingdom
- Love, Couples, and Kink
- My Journey of Self Discovery
- Never Judge a Book by Its Cover
- Nightside Jonny
- Nutty Man
- Ordinary Guy, Strange Life
- Over Forty Married Sex
- PeaceBang
- Phyllis Renée
- Polyamorously Perverse
- Reality and Redemption
- Running in the Yard
- She Just Walks Around with It
- Spinning in Control
- Stories 2 Tell
- The Eyes Have It
- The Web of Language
- Unsolicited Advice
- Unspoken Drama
- Welcome to the Spectrum
- Will She Be Back?
- randomblink
Deep Dark Topics
- Sex (146)
- Marriage (117)
- Depression (102)
- Mental Health (97)
- Counseling (93)
- Stupidity (89)
- Ramblings (87)
- Love (86)
- Adultery (84)
- Music (74)
- Quizzes (71)
- Emotions (66)
- Family Fun (65)
- Parenting (64)
- Tears (63)
- Health (59)
- Friendship (57)
- Miscellany for no good reason (52)
- Scary Stuff (49)
- Breaking Up is Hard to Do (48)
- Liking Myself (42)
- Human Relations (39)
- Disappointment (38)
- Lists (37)
- History (36)
- Secrets (36)
- Politics (33)
- Whines (33)
- Taking Care of Me (29)
- emails (28)
- Death (26)
- Humor (25)
- It's a Weird World (24)
- Sleepless Nights (23)
- Polls (22)
- Fairy Tales (21)
- Lies (21)
- Moving On (21)
- Confusion (20)
- Frustration (20)
- What I Did on Summer Vacation (18)
- Bi Fun (17)
- Hate (16)
- Addiction (15)
- Taking Advantage of Others (15)
- Bitch Extraordinaire (14)
- Crazy is as Crazy Does (14)
- Insecurity (14)
- Wild Speculations (14)
- Good Times (13)
- Opinions I Ought to Keep to Myself (12)
- Mysteries (11)
- STD (11)
- Weight Weight Don't Tell Me (10)
- Haiku (6)
- Gratitude (5)
- The Moving Story That Wouldn't Die (4)
- OCD (2)
Deep Dark Archives
-
▼
2008
(348)
-
▼
February
(39)
- So How’s That Blog 365 Thing Going?
- Backslide
- When It Rains, It Pours
- Early Spring Cleaning
- Full Circle
- So How Was Your Weekend?
- Sunday Sermon
- Give Me Strength
- This is Not Working
- Love/Hate of Women
- Lesson Learned
- After a Few Deep Breaths
- To the Morning
- Crushed
- Faith Statement
- What I Shouldn't Be Thinking. . .
- W Stands for Weary Whining
- Good Thing I Don't Really Believe in These
- Benefits with the FWB
- Whose Fault?
- Happy Valentine's Day!
- Self Help
- OMG! Read This Description
- Lil’ Odds ‘n’ Ends
- Since He Shared Anyway
- Expedition Complete
- Wish I Hadn't Read It
- Bring It
- I Hate This Post
- Time for Change
- Rollercoaster to Whirlwind
- That's What Friends Are For
- Super Tuesday
- About Face!
- Aftershocks
- So Go Already
- That Was Weird
- Accountants Can't Resist a Calculation
- The Post About Nothing
-
▼
February
(39)
49% Geek, 82% Nerd
Makes Sense to Me
You aren't paranoid if people really are out to get you
8 comments:
You are a beautiful, intelligent, sexy, and sensual woman who has a lot to offer as a friend, parent, and lover. Anyone who says different is an ass and should just be ignored.
Hugs to you, True.
Please try to ignore the cattiness of other people and know that you're in a better place. Some people are just ignorant of anyone other than themselves and how they feel. Sometimes karma will turn about and bite them in the ass. Don't be afraid to post what you feel.
True - it is ok not to beat yourself up. Nobodies opinion outside of you defines you. The cattiness and pettiness other people get into reflects on their lack of being a good person, not on whether or not you are.
Bunny - Thank you, but I think you are too kind.
Summer - I'd just rather not leave myself open to misinterpretation for a while.
SM - Thanks, I appreciate your friendship.
Oh True.. this story so reminds me of a time just before Christmas when the man I had been living with for months told me he was planning his future with a Canadian woman he met online blogging.
I yelled at him for a couple of hours .. pointing out this Canadian woman wrote on her blog about sleeping with several men who were already in relationships.. sometimes two or three in a week. And I asked.. which bit of this woman's morals do you find yourself more attracted to..?
He stuck to his guns for a couple of hours. I kicked him out of our bed - I mean if he was planning a life with the Canada woman he certainly didn't need to keep having sex with me, hey?
Needless to say he came around to my thinking pretty quickly and now we find ourselves incredulous that the cycle continues with this girl. Once she described me as an emotional trainwreck.. I have to send that one straight back to her I am afraid..
For a while I felt pretty sick in the guts, depressed and down over what this woman said about me - and about how my man was so easily swayed her way.. and then I got strong. Darlin' I imagine in around 3.5 days you are gonna get strong too. Don't doubt yourself. Keep going along your way in life and be thankful you are not a Canadian woman - they must be pretty hard up if they have to keep having sex with married/taken men..
(this is by no means a slur on Canadian women.. just one Canadian woman who seems to be caught in groundhog day..)
Sulky Girl - My my, that is indeed a familiar sounding story. You are lucky that you have a strong enough man to realize his mistake before ruining what he has with you.
I don't tell many people this but in my own relationship my husband got mixed up with a Canadian woman, it was bad but through counciling we got through it.Today we're better than ever. My hubby and I each had a therapist and found out internet affairs are quite common now. But what was really strange was when we each told them that it was a woman from Canada, they smiled and said uh huh and didn't seem surprised. Seems to me there's something about the female species to our north. I realize I shouldn't lump them all in that catagory. For the most part I'm sure they're decent human being and I apologize to the one's that are.
Summer - My how this seems to be a recurring theme. Perhaps we're worried about the wrong borders in this country. ;-)
Post a Comment