Thursday, February 21, 2008

Lesson Learned

I used to like her so much, and I so much valued her comments on my blog. I really truly thought of her as a friend. You don’t know how much it hurts me the way she has turned on me like this. It’s one of the reasons I have a hard time trusting women in general. Men are so much more up front about things and women (or some women) get all catty and nasty. Maybe that’s one of the reasons most of my friends in real life have been men.

When I found out who BJ was seeing after our breakup I was, at first, very happy for him. I honestly thought, from what I knew of her from her blog and her comments on my blog, that they would have so much in common, and it would be a good relationship. However, I had no idea just how it really was. Silly, naïve me. I thought that we could all remain friends, and I even contacted her and said so. Just because you break up with someone doesn’t mean you have to hate them. BJ doesn’t hate me. I don’t hate him. I don’t hate his new lady. If BJ and my relationship had been rock solid he wouldn’t have been open to someone else. I accept that. It hurts, but I accept it. Life goes on. It is not in me to be mean and spiteful and hateful. Oh sure, I have those impulses, but I can’t help but think of longer term consequences and value those more highly than the very temporary satisfaction of spewing hatred. So I offered continued friendship. Guess that makes me an awful person somehow.

Oh well, lesson learned. I’ve made my peace with it within myself. Time to move on.

Listen to Lessons Learned by Dan Fogelberg

You...with the past at your back and the future unsure
Asked for the chance to try love once more
Well aware of the consequences should the dream fall through
You threw down your last defenses wanting to try something new
Wanting to try something new
You found me in a sea of confusion drifting with the tide
Living on love that had long since died
But everytime that I touch you, baby
I feel a little more alive
And I'm reminded how much you've made me
Believe in the love that survives
You know, we must believe in the love that survives
(Chorus)
Oh lessons learned are like bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained worth the price of the pain?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Borne on the first warm winds of feeling newly found
Fly but remember don't look down
Take as much as you think you ought to
Give just as much as you can
Don't forget what your failures have taught you
Or else you'll learn them all over again
Or else you'll have to learn them all over again
(Chorus)

13 comments:

Bunny said...

I'm so sorry. I was really surprised how this has all gone down. She seems very insecure, to be so down on you when she "won" BJ's affections. All any of us can do is wish them well, as you have so graciously done. Good for you.

Trueself said...

Bunny - Well, what could I do? BJ clearly wanted out and was going to leave me. He and I still get along quite well. Why would I want to mess that up? Yes, I could be a total bitch about this thing, but then later when I calmed down and wanted to make nice it would be much harder to do. See, always thinking about those long term consequences. I just don't have it in me to do otherwise.

Nutty Man said...

I been reading just haven't comment in a while. True friends listen and don't make judmemt,I'd like to think we have that I wish you always the best even when life had dealt to trouble, and I hope the best for you.

Serenity said...

"It’s one of the reasons I have a hard time trusting women in general." And you think you're "bi"? What a joke.
You did not "offer continued friendship" to me. A few comments do not a friendship make.
I may have let my inner bitch off-leash very briefly, but you have no idea how much i held back on saying. Commenting here opens me up to more screeching from the chorus, but i can take it. your self-delusion needed to be called on.

Trueself said...

NM - Thanks friend.

Serenity - Thanks for returning. Yeah, it's the biggest hurdle I have being bi -- attracted to yet intimidated by. That in and of itself makes it very difficult for me to be with women. However, it doesn't mean that the attraction isn't there. It most definitely is.
I'm sorry but in my email to you I did offer continued friendship, an offer that in your reply you ignored. Coupling that with the posts on your blogs I took as you wanting no continued friendship as that isn't how I'm used to friends treating one another. However, I am still not only willing, but would be happy to still be friends. I can understand letting the inner bitch out a bit now and then. It's just that I would prefer it to my face than behind my back.

asyou said...

Oh, glad to know Serenity can read this. So chicken, you make your blog password protected, yet you come here to talk crap?

Your HNT pics are ALWAYS blurry, and while cruising your archives I found out why, your face makes me want to puke.

Trueself said...

asyou - Anybody can read this blog as it is public. I've thought recently of taking it private but decided that for now it will remain public.

I have no desire to trash Serenity on my blog and would ask that my commenters also refrain from doing so. Thanks.

Serenity said...

asyou-- i'm back in public now so you can enjoy all my archives again! Yay! and p.s. i have long said i benefit from soft focus, selective editing and drunken viewers! Thanks for filling in the last of those! :)
Tru, i do not like the vibes lately. i know i started it and i am ending it now. I said from the very beginning with BJ that i did not want to hurt you; i spoke my mind about that post of yours, and in doing so brought a lot of the crazies out of the woodwork. you may want to seriously reconsider some of the company you keep...
I will not say one more word about this no matter what the comments are.

Trueself said...

Serenity - Sorry you feel that way about the vibes, but I do think you are right that you started it. I appreciate that you are ending it. If you truly don't want to hurt me, then speak your mind TO ME if you have issues with me. I am much less hurt that way than when things are done behind my back. I'm not sure that it was crazies that came out of the woodwork so much as people who simply felt the need to defend me as someone who just needed to be left in peace to get on with my life. I can't begin to say how hard it is when one is trying so hard to move on with their life in peace and have their motives repeatedly called into question. This is the last I will say about any of this in public. If you wish to address me further on this particular issue you have my email address in my profile or the one from which I sent my email to you a couple weeks ago.
And as long as BJ desires a relationship with you I will continue to wish the both of you well in that endeavor.

Jaded Bunny said...

All this over THAT yucky guy?
Ew. C'mon now.

Let's take a look at him, shall we?

Sad, pathetic, dysfuntional, depressed/depressing. Angry. Cynical. Zero self confidence/self worth. Morbidly obese, which screams serious, serious issues.

Sexually perverted, obsessed and frustrated. Posts porn on his blog. Of other people. Guess those who can't, post.

Not name calling, just unleashing my inner opinion.


MOST of us can do better than that. Much better.

She did you a huge favor, Tru.

He's just a hump along her way through everyone else's man.

Trueself said...

JB - Thank you. You are absolutely right. Intellectually I know everything you said here. Emotionally still trying to catch up, but you've pretty much written my daily litany for the next however long it takes to work through it. Thank you! I could give you a great big hug and kiss!

Jeni Angel said...

WOW. D.R.A.M.A.

I just want to know why she is even reading your blog?!? Nothing to see here. . .

If I recall correctly, YOU weren't even the one who told the world that she was the "other" woman. She did that. Otherwise, people wouldn't have even known what she was talking about.

Geez.

Trueself said...

Jeni - I'm a little surprised myself that she still reads it, but it's okay with me.
I felt it wasn't my place to expose her as BJ's new lady so I let them do it themselves.