Sunday, February 10, 2008

Since He Shared Anyway

Okay, so my big expedition was having a face to face talk with BJ to bring closure to our relationship. We did. We talked. We talked and talked and talked. We both felt loads better afterwards.

To those who would criticize BJ and his actions I will simply say that I hold no ill will towards him for anything just as he holds none for me. We have both made our apologies to one another and accepted each other's apologies. I also hold no ill will towards his new lady. Without problems in our relationship to begin with, nobody would have had the ability to come between BJ and me. BJ and I needed to break up no matter what else may have been going on. The responsibility for our breakup clearly lies in the fact that the two of us hold fundamentally different values on certain things. No matter how much we love each other we are not a good match.

We both agreed at one point in our discussion yesterday that neither of us could ever trust the other one enough ever again to consider having a serious relationship with each other. We know each other too well! For anyone who has seen me as innocent victim in this breakup, you've been reading too much of my blog with my slanted viewpoint on things. I confessed to him some things yesterday about which I am not very proud other than the fact that in most cases I was capable of stopping after the thinking of it part before the actual doing it part. I am no better than he is. Really. We're both just human with human frailties. The great thing is that in spite of all of it we still really, really like each other and intend to remain friends.

Without the face to face talk, I doubt we would have remained friends. I doubt we could have done anything but block each other out of our lives out of fear of the other's feelings. By seeing each other and talking we were able to work through all of that anad get to the heart of things.

I hope BJ finds happiness with his new lady. I told him I worry that she'll break his heart, but that I'll be there for him to cry on my shoulder if it happens. I also told him that if I ever find out he treated her the way he has treated me in our breakup I'll come and rip his head off. After all, what are friends for?


Bunny said...

I suspected this was what was happening. I'm glad it went well and that you're able to remain friends. I don't know him and I'm afraid he may have his heart broken as well. After all, things can change drastically once you meet someone in person. I know that from personal experience. A relationship that was fun, flirty, and sexy online was just "eh" in person. The chemistry just wasn't there.

Hugs to you, True. I know this wasn't easy, but you got through it. You'll be a stronger person for it.

Serenity said...

Hon, sometimes I worry i'll break his heart but i have been rigorous in my pursuit of honesty with him and that helps immensely. Any attempt to hide the truth from you was only a desire not to be perceived as overtly hurtful. Some problems ain't got no solution, and that was one.

Trueself said...

Bunny - It is terribly difficult to know what the chemistry will be until you actually meet in person. I felt blessed that BJ and I had that chemistry when we met for the first time.

Serenity - Honesty is always good.