Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Back to Perspective

I think I've gotten things back into better perspective today than I had last night.

All is not gloomy. All is not lost. I tend to think so when I'm overly tired and overly stressed, but it ain't that bad. In the light of day, after a night's sleep I can see that what happened last night was not a cave in, but an honest admission that I have been tempted lately to give in and just live with it. Of course, W came back with the standard "I don't want us to stay together if that is just you giving in" line. I then countered that I can't see any other way for me to stay with him. So while I focused last night in my exhaustion on the temptation to cave the reality remains that I didn't cave. Come to think of it one could actually see this whole conversation in a different light, a light of now he knows that for me to stay is for me to resign myself and give up, not that I think I can ever be happy with him again. So maybe there is just a smidge of light at the tunnel after all.


Digger Jones said...

As painful as that admission was, I think it was a breakthrough of sorts. By verbalizing your true feelings, you can examine them to see whether or not they are really true and valid. And as a fellow avoider, I can identify with the validity of the feeling!

I don't know if W will ever be able to willingly let go. He apparently relies on you for nearly everything. However this will be an opportunity for him to finally grow up.


Fiona said...

I think the reality of any situation where an option exists to merely observe the status quo, is to consider it as just that, an option.

It's a rational way of looking at things, weighing all considerations, all possible outcomes, then deciding which path you will walk.

When things get tough it's human nature to wonder if that was indeed the right path, when the other continues to look so much easier.

I can say only one thing, TS, and that is I have watched you grow and get strong through this. I've seen your spirit fired up and something deep in you ignited. I've heard the 'no more' from you. And honestly, I believe you will come out the other side of all this as your 'true self' hon.

mia said...

Yay. Right now I'm drunk, but I think a happy dance is in order. :)

Trueself said...

Digger - W relies on me for a lot. It amazes me sometimes when I hear how I talk to him at times, taking charge and basically being more a mother than a wife, which is of course made even more weird by the fact that I'm so much younger than he is. Of course, it also resembles how my mom talks to my grandmother for whom she has a lot of responsibilities.

Fiona - Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm starting to see that growth too, but mostly when people like you point it out to me.

Mia - Yay for being drunk. Hope you didn't fall down during your happy dance.