Independence Day

Nineteen years ago today W and I were married. For those that don't know the story and don't have access to my other blog, here's the Cliff's Notes version:

Once W’s divorce from his first wife was final, he was ready to marry me. He proposed. I declined. Over the next couple of months we repeated this procedure a few more times. W then stopped proposing. Being insecure and afraid I might have lost my only chance at wedded bliss I proposed by suggesting getting married the very next weekend. W, who had all but given up on me ever agreeing to get married, wasn’t about to turn down the chance to snag me permanently and said yes.

The following weekend was a three day weekend as July 4 fell on a Monday that year. We took the train on Sunday morning up to Reno. We were married in a small cheesy chapel at midnight on July 4. We were married. We spent the night in a hotel in Reno, but no sex was had that night. Perhaps I should have seen that as a sign. On Monday morning, we rode the train home. W went to work the next day. Life went on just as it had before.

If you do have access to my other blog (email me if you'd like access but don't have it) you can see the full post here with all the gory and humorous detail.

Nineteen years. We've had good times. We've had bad times. We've had misunderstandings and disagreements aplenty. We have not had good resolutions to most of our misunderstandings and disagreements. As I matured I grew out of the young go-with-the-flow-and-accept-and-adopt-his-position-on-all-things person that I was when he and I met. As he aged, he became more bitter and angry.

I checked the marriage license for an expiration date but no luck. Apparently, even in Nevada they don't make it that easy for you.

There seems to be a certain synergy in ending a marriage on the same day it began. It also seems that Independence Day lends itself more to being the day someone would declare their independence from a marriage rather than for getting married. Anyway, I'm leaning towards having "the big talk" tonight at dinner. My hands are clammy just typing this, and my heart is pounding. I don't know if I can go through with it or not.

Just remember, this year not all the fireworks on the Fourth of July may be happy ones. Think of me and W as you watch those fireworks tonight. The sounds you hear may be covering the screaming and wailing.

Like the Dixie Chicks, I am not ready to give up. I'm not ready to give in. I will not make nice with W anymore.