Friday, July 13, 2007

Sometimes Clarity Shines Through

BJ and I talked yesterday and again this morning about the job/move/relationship issues. We both feel a whole lot better about it now.

Without sharing too much identifying details, there could be the possibility for him of a position farther away that could be a great job for him for the next couple of years and would allow him to further his education. That education could lead him back here in a capacity that he would much enjoy. This farther away location is but a couple of hours flight from me. Being apart for the next couple of years would give both of us time to work through the ending of our current marriages, spending some time on our own, and could bring us back together at a time when we are more ready to move on than either of us would be if we rebounded into a new marriage too soon after ending the old ones. We would, of course, stay in each others' lives to the extent that we could during the time we remain apart. We would fly to visit one another as often as practical and continue our excessive phone, email and IM chats.

Yes, occasionally a little ray of clarity bursts through the clouds, cheers us up, and helps us to continue to move forward step by step, sometimes great leaps forward and other times tiny baby steps.

And just so you know, BJ loves this area as much as I do. He really wants to live here. He really wants to find a job here. It really wouldn't make much sense for me to uproot myself and N when BJ and I both really want to eventually make a home together here. The fact is that there is a very real possibility that at this particular time there is not going to be a suitable job available here for BJ. That fact in and of itself cannot be the driving factor behind me moving again. It wouldn't make sense no matter how strong the love is between BJ and me, and at least from my perspective, the love between us is very very strong. I think we all need to let this unfold as it unfolds and see where things go. If our love is as strong as we think it is then we'll make it through a few years apart. If our love isn't as strong as we think then surely we will learn that in those few years and spare ourselves from each having a second failed marriage.

Oh BTW, happy Friday the 13th!

5 comments:

freebird said...

Sounds perfect to me.

"Being apart for the next couple of years would give both of us time to work through the ending of our current marriages, spending some time on our own, and could bring us back together at a time when we are more ready to move on than either of us would be if we rebounded into a new marriage too soon after ending the old ones." And that, dear TS, makes absolutely perfect sense.

BJ said...

I got another call from that recruiter I told you about earlier and I paged that manager in the far away place, but no word yet from them. Plus there are airfare deals out there that I discovered. ;-)

The Hopeless Flirt said...

The classic tale of "If you love something set it free..."

All I can hope is that it turns out how you belive it will.

Serenity said...

I love this post sweetie, it is so intelligent and grounded. Life has a way of circling around and landing us where we need to be, all in good time. Patience isn't my own strong suit but i do think yours will be rewarded.
hugs!!

Trueself said...

FB - Sounds perfect to me too!

BJ - It'll happen. Keep looking, and you'll find the job you need to move forward.

Hopeless Flirt - Yes, I've always been a big believer in the butterfly theory. If you hang on too hard you are sure to lose so you gotta just go with flow.

Serenity - Thank you. Patience isn't my strong suit either, but sometimes it's a necessity not an option.