Thursday, April 13, 2006

Afraid I've blown it

So J hasn't responded back yet to the email I sent in reply to his. I was probably too blunt.

Funny thing is I am alternately dying to check my emails (have checked at least half a dozen times today) and terrified that I will actually receive an email from J. I'm afraid when (if?) he responds that he will say I misinterpreted what he said in his email, and that he is not interested in me in that way anymore. That he was just looking for closure to the bad way our relationship ended so many years ago. That he is devoted to his wife and family and would never consider breaking their trust.

Oh dear. Maybe I did jump to conclusions. Maybe I was so desperately looking for something that I did misconstrue what he said.

Crap. I am so totally and completely messed up it isn't even funny.

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