Friday, April 28, 2006

One More Day

There's just one more day until we meet, J and I.

I'm not nearly as excited about it as I once was. I think I've been looking at J as a way out of my current situation. My current situation is that I am stuck in a marriage with a much older man who loves me very much and depends on me to take care of him. I used to love him, but I can honestly say I really don't any more. His personality has changed over time, and he's not the same man I married 18 years ago. I'm sure I'm not the same either. I don't love him, but I do feel an obligation to him. After all, I did marry him which is supposed to be a lifelong commitment.

I really need to decide what to do about W separate and apart from whatever goes on with J. I've got to step back here and decide what is going to be best for me, either to stick it out for W and our son, or to call it quits.

I'll still meet J tomorrow. We'll talk. If nothing else, maybe I can put the crazy fantasies out of my head with a nice big dose of reality.

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