Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I am Angry

Yes, I am angry. I figured this out while talking to my therapist today.

I am angry that:
  1. My husband and I don't have sex anymore (due to a physical/medical problem on his part so I'm not really allowed to be angry about it because it isn't his fault).
  2. I know my husband had affairs during his first marriage for similar reasons as I have now, but would be hurt if I did the same.
  3. I'm only in my 40's and seem to have no prospect of ever having sex again (unless I do decide to have an affair with J).
  4. No matter how many ways I justify it, adultery is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Okay, so I'm pissed off. I really am. It is not fair that I'm not getting any. I just want to go off and throw a really good temper tantrum about it. Damn it! I want sex!

Excuse me while I go sulk for a while.

3 comments:

Stinkypaw said...

It is your right to be angry, especially if you still want sex. You are right that it isn't fair, so maybe you could talk about it with your husband? Before you do anything. Did you ever let him know how you "really" felt? If he's had affairs during his first marriage for similar reasons, he should understand, no? You see I always except of others what I'm willing to put in or do myself, so...
I agree with you that adultery is wrong, and there is no "real" justification for it either. If you've made a commitment to someone you should respect it, or at least respect yourself enough to do the right thing (for you!). J. coming back into your life isn't pure coincidence, you know that right? If you want to be mad about not getting laid, be mad, but don't use that fact to justify your unhappiness and your lust resurfacing because J. is available and most likely willing... Throw a good tantrum, let it out - you'll feel better after - but please also give your couple a chance and talk! Or at least be honest with yourself, your husband and talk about the REAL things. You're pissed off, good! Maybe your anger will trigger something and then you'll do something about it all!

Sid said...

guess discuss this with ur husband. Better to talk it out and work your way out from the issue rather than just sulk and get irritated on life on him and on urself

trueself said...

stinkypaw,

While I haven't discussed J specifically, I have talked to my husband numerous times about the issue. There just doesn't seem to be any answer except that I should remain celibate and "understand" his problems. We discussed the issue both on Sunday morning and just yesterday evening. You know what? I do understand that it is frustrating to my husband that he is unable to "perform." I understand that he is also missing out on sex. The difference is his libido is 100% shut down. He has absolutely no sexual desire at all. When I explained that to me sex is more than one act, that there are other intimate things we could be doing to satisfy me, his answer was that he just can't get into it because it just isn't enjoyable to him. So I'm feeling stuck and trapped. Damn me for having morals.