Only two more days until J and I meet. I don’t know that last night’s phone conversation made anything easier. I’m still on pins and needles, incredibly nervous about what Saturday will bring.
No less than three times in the last week, I have tried to talk to W about our marital problems. While I have not mentioned J or my plans for this Saturday, I have talked in general terms about how if someone showed interest I would have difficulty saying no due to the lack of intimacy in our marriage. While actual intercourse is physically impossible, nothing physical prevents us from kissing, touching, cuddling. Each time W’s answer has been that he will be more affectionate with me. However, very little changes. He still comes to bed and rolls over away from me although last night he did kiss me twice before rolling over. When I rub his back for him he thanks me but doesn’t reciprocate. If only he’d throw me some sort of lifeline here (sorry, two kisses in one week isn’t much of a lifeline), it might be easier to not want J so badly.
In one of our conversations, I told him that I would feel really guilty if I gave in to temptation with another man, that I know it would hurt him. He said that no, he would understand. I could see though that there was hurt in his eyes just from talking about it and said as much to him. He didn’t argue. How can I even consider hurting this man with whom I have spent the last 20 years? Then again, why can't he see how much he is hurting me through his coldness towards me?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment