If You Didn't Already Think I was Nuts. . .

You probably will now, particularly if you are of the conservative bent. (And if you are of the conservative bent sorry 'bout how those elections went, well not too sorry 'cause I ain't conservative.)

BJ has turned me around so that I am seeing things his way. I am looking forward to going out and having adventures and him doing the same. What's that you ask? How did he change my mind? It actually turned out to be fairly simple. He told me that he looks at what we're doing as an extension of swinging. Well, I was able to take that idea and run with it in my head. Deviant that I am, the thought of him telling me all the details of his encounters and me telling him the details of mine is very appealing to me. The thought that after an encounter we will be sharing the details with one another and telling each other all the things we've done and how we felt excites the hell out of me.

Ok, you think I'm nuts. I probably am, but I realize that what appeals to me about swinging is that you are sharing something with your partner and getting to watch your partner enjoying someone else. This way, even if we aren't right there sharing, we're still sharing after the fact and enjoying each other's stories of wild animal sex. When I think of it that way it makes me want to really try to have a good time so that I have great stories to share with BJ. I'm not nuts, just a totally depraved perv. Is this just rationalization? I don't think so. I've been in the swinger lifestyle before. I know what I liked about it and what I didn't. My biggest discomfort was that the other guy and I always seemed to have a better time than the other woman. W is pretty dang vanilla in sex. Most swingers aren't. He had too many boundaries and too little willingness to explore. We often seemed to run into women who ended up jealous of me and her guy and/or frustrated by the lack of her own satisfaction. BJ is anything but vanilla. He has his boundaries, we all do, but they aren't overly plentiful. I think that he and I will be able to enjoy swinging together. Until we are actually in the same locale we'll just be doing it vicariously.

Mia has assured me that I am not spinning out of control but have joined her in spinning in control. I think she's right. I do a lot of thinking before acting. I do a lot of yapping on here as I think things through. Sometimes, occasionally, I do let my emotions get the best of me and overreact to things (like last weekend). But for the most part I really am spinning in control. I am making my decisions less and less based on desperation and more and more by thinking things through. While I will admit that the conclusions I reach are often in conflict with standard society's rules and regulations I can live with that. Sometimes I think I can't, but then I come back around to realizing I can.