Friday, November 10, 2006

Snippets of Life UPDATED

Updates on various aspects of my jaded life:

Due to working late and having to take W to pick up his car at the repair shop, we decided to have dinner out last night. W sat across from N and me wordlessly throughout the meal. Uncomfortable, but I realized towards the end that it was actually more pleasant than most dinners out when W barks at N to eat his dinner repeatedly, to use his napkin, to hold his fork properly, on and on. Hopefully, he can see that N eats as much, or more, when you just leave him alone as when you bark at him repeatedly, and he does use his napkin just maybe not until he’s finished, and he sometimes holds his fork a little awkwardly but it isn’t the end of the world. And N and I played a marvelous game of “I Spy” during dinner. He’s very tricky, and I often struggle to guess correctly what he sees. With as much stress as W’s silence caused it was actually less stress than when W speaks. I almost mentioned this to him but thought better of it.

I so much do not want to sleep in the same bed with W anymore. I have also stayed away from confrontation since Monday. An uneasy calm hovers around the house. I hesitate to be the one to push the button that starts WWIII, and don’t know what move I might make that would do that. Hmm, wonder if Kennedy felt this way during the Cuban missile crisis. So I’m debating just moving to the guest room without saying anything. However, the TV is in the master bedroom. I like to set the sleep timer on the TV and go to sleep with background noise. W does not care about having background noise. From that standpoint it would make more sense for him to move to the guest room. Then again, making sense is not high on our priority lists right now. The bottom line is I’m not sure whether to just move or ask him to move or just keep on the way we are. In any case it will only be until he finds somewhere to go so I hate to make it too big of an issue.

My damn telephone phobia is hanging me up again. Haven’t been able to talk myself into calling S yet. Hoping to be able to talk myself into it this morning to see what his schedule is today. I’m so much better at email but when I got rid of the email account I used for my “adventures in dating” this summer I got rid of his email address. Aack. Shot myself in the foot. Again. UPDATE: I did call him at lunchtime. He is going to call back once he knows his schedule. If we can't get together today, then maybe this weekend.

N doesn’t know yet about the separation. I’m thinking it may be better to wait to tell him until W finds a place to move to, but I’m not sure. I’m pretty sure it would be best if W and I could talk to him together if W is willing. I think I’ll ask my therapist tonight for advice on how to talk to him about it.


Anonymous said...

Sending you some hugs. Sounds like you could use them.

trueself said...

Thank you, yes hugs are most appreciated always and especially now.

Anonymous said...

As the typical lurker instead of commenter I will add my hugs to FL's.

Stinkypaw said...

You need to get out of that bed! Maybe after you tell N about the separation, but you can't separate and still sleep in the same bed - put on a radio or something, but please, move out of the "common" bedroom!

trueself said...

Thank you.

Yes, I know. My first thought was "But it may hurt his feelings." Then I thought it was just a little too late to be worried about that. Good grief. I've got to grow up and grow a spine.