Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Marital Counseling for the Newly Separated

I'm starting this post this morning and will add to it later in the day after W and I attend our first marital counseling session.

My thoughts this morning

I'm nervous. I know that W and I are approaching this appointment with different goals. His goal is to keep the marriage intact. Mine is to make the separation go smoothly and hopefully begin repair of W and N's relationship. The big question mark then in my mind is how are we going to come to some common ground with such differing goals? Ah, but of course, that is why the counselor is there getting paid the big bucks. She is going to help us wind our way through this ugly maze we've created. Hopefully, she can help open both our eyes to the mistakes we are making and how to repair some of the damage and make things better. The one thing she will not do is be able to talk me into staying within this marriage. Too much damage has been done. I desire to be out of this marriage too much. I am valuing too much the freedom that I am already starting to feel. I do not want to turn back. I want to move forward and away from W and into my future without him. Sounds so selfish of me, but maybe that's a natural reaction to putting my interests last for so very long, too long.

My thoughts after our appointment

Not a whole lot happened at the appointment other than giving the counselor some background on us as a couple and the progression (regression?) of our relationship through the present time. We each shared what we thought the problems are in our marriage. We do agree on one thing: we have vastly different parenting styles and we each think our way is right and the other person's is wrong. We also agree that our sex life is not what we would like it to be. Other than that we seem to be travelling in different universes. His perceptions are vastly different than mine, and we are both pretty deeply entrenched in our positions. Not too sure where we go from here. . .

4 comments:

Karin's Korner said...

Not selfish at all, Remember "It's your turn"

oldbear said...

Hi TS, it is not selfish to want happiness for yourself and good life for your kid.

As you can probably already tell I am far from one of the people who thinks little or nothing of extra-marital intimacy or sex.

But actually needing happiness and intmacy are not selfish, they are legitimate human needs.

Especailly in your case where it appears nothing much is going right in the marriage.

Good luck to you, as always wussy -boy me is hoping nobody gets kicked in the emotional teeth too hard.

Anonymous said...

What you want isn't selfish. Hopefully you can find enough common ground to keep things civil and functional for N

trueself said...

Thank you all for not thinking me selfish for wanting to separate. I find that I struggle with feeling that way a lot. W knows that and plays on it a lot, too. He does what he can to induce guilt in me in the hopes that I will stay. Does he really want a wife who stays out of guilt? I wouldn't think so, but then I've been known to be the clingy one in relationships before so the concept isn't totally foreign to me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, thank you for helping me feel not quite so selfish about all of this. As much as I want out, it isn't easy to make this move.