Saturday, June 02, 2007

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

This morning as I was getting dressed (W was downstairs puttering around) N came in and sat on the bed. He started the conversation like this, "Do you remember when you asked me about divorce? My answer is yes."

Well, now that's an interesting opening line for my son to make. I thought back to a few months ago when I broached the subject with N after he had asked about the counseling W and I were attending. At the time I asked him about wouldn't he rather W and I work to keep things together than get a divorce. At that time, he agreed with me. So I was curious where this conversation was going.

I asked him for clarification, and he told me that if W and I divorced he thought it would be a good thing and that he wanted to live with me and visit W. He even had his own ideas about what the visitation schedule ought to be! We sat and talked for a while with me doing more listening than talking. I wanted to know what led him to his conclusion. During the conversation he shared that he just didn't think his dad would ever change, that W would always yell at him and call him names (yes, I cringe, but W does have a tendency toward namecalling and doesn't understand why others are hurt by it). I hugged N and told him I'm trying to make things better and reminded him that W and I have been in counseling. He again said that W doesn't change. He also told me that W had told him that until he had the courage to tell me about what went on when I'm not at home that nothing would change. I thought that part was very odd.

N went on to say, "You won't get married again will you if you and Dad divorce?" I said I wasn't sure, that if I found a man I loved I just might. So we talked about that for a while. He brought up a friend of his whose mom remarried, and I pointed out what a neat guy she had married and how his friend and he both really liked the friend's stepdad. He said yes, and that if I found a guy as neat as his friend's stepdad it would be okay to remarry.

Interesting, huh? Yeah, kids pick up on a whole lot more than we give credit. Oh yes they do.

6 comments:

New Girl said...

Don't you think this is all the more reason to have the conversation below????

Now, it's not just you that feels the need to leave. . .

oldbear said...

Yes, they do pick up on lots of stuff!!!!

Tough going Lady, hang in there.

PAX, that ever elusive grace, to you all! OB

Serenity said...

That just about made me cry, N's truthfulness and openness. But it sounds like he's been burdened with more than he should be from his dad and that really needs to be investigated. I don't like that part at all.

Fiona said...

That part about what happens at home when you're not around...and that he would know about it...or at least be told about it...must really make you wonder TS.

It seems you really have an open door now, and a peek at freedom.

leavesdr said...

Ultimately children want to feel safe and loved - and if that means Mom and Dad live in different places so be it. All parties will probably improve their relationships in such an environment if they truly love each other.

Trueself said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. I just don't have the fortitude to respond individually to all your comments here. It is so gutwrenching to me this whole situation between N and W. I have so much wanted them to have a good relationship. But then again, W doesn't seem to excel at relationships of any kind. . .