So I've come back around to the thought that I must leave W. (Haven't we been here before? Over and over? Will I ever quit going back and forth round and round?)
So how and when to do it? It seems to me that talking to W about it would be better without N around. It isn't the kind of conversation you have with kids around. Within the next month, there will be two opportunities when N is away at camp.
The first camp starts on W's birthday and runs for 4 days. "Happy birthday and it's all over between you and me." Hmm. . .
The second camp runs one week and covers our wedding anniversary. "Happy anniversary and oh, by the way, it's the last one we'll celebrate." Hmm. . .
I'm leaning towards the anniversary week. Somehow closing the same week it opened seems like the right timing.
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Is school already over for N? You don't necessarily need a week for the initial conversation, and my experience is it's easier to hash out a bit then go do something productive then circle back around to the topic at hand. I suppose there isn't anyone nearby yet that N can go hang out with a few hours at a time?
It is a series of talks after all, it will be an ongoing process for a little while as you work out the details.
Serenity - Yes, school is over for N. Due to the recent move we don't really have anyone here we could ask just yet to watch him, and I really would like to give W a bit of time to digest the information. Perhaps the best thing would be towards the end of N's first camp to have the initial conversation and then carry it forward in bits and pieces through his second stint at camp. Sigh. . . a series of talks. I fear that will just be another round of him wearing me down and talking me out of it. Sigh. . .
I'm with Serenity...don't delay it anymore. Do it at night when N is in bed if need be. I would definitely do it before another birthday, anniversary, etc. comes around...
I am holding out best wishes and thoughts to you. I know how scary it is.
Oh goodness! I'm so sorry you couldn't settle with your decision. Are you sure you can go through with this one? I'm a little concerned about N, in a new place with no real friends yet, but then, kids are resilient. We all know there is never going to be a 'good' time for this, and some of us only manage it when it's forced upon us. Take care TS. Hugs, x
Oh those options really do suck for you. :(
But, you've got to keep in mind that you're making positive changes for your life and the life of your son.
Lots of luck and prayers for a peaceful (well as much as something like this can be) discussion.
Going into it with the knowledge he'll try to wear you down, let's you guard yourself. Prepare for that and fight for your future TS. Yours and N's.
uhave - Well, it won't be long until those things roll around, and I've got to get a couple of things in place before I do. For one thing, I've got to have a childcare option in place in case W really does just take off, and realistically, even if he doesn't because I need to get N to a place where he isn't so miserable.
FL - Thank you. I appreciate your caring support more than you know.
FB - Oh goodness, N has already made at least half a dozen friends. He is the most outgoing little guy ever. I worry more about the things he says at home, about W, about wishing he hadn't been born. I've got to get us some family counseling, whether it is the three of us (W, me and N) or just two (me and N).
Steff - Thanks for your kind words.
Fiona - Yes I must fight for our future, a more peaceful future.
Oh dear, it seems my comment was not taken in the spirit in which it was intended. It wasn't meant as any kind of criticism, just that having agonised long and hard and made the difficult decision to stay it was a pity that you couldn't be happy after all. We just all want you to be happy TS. I'm sorry if I worded my comment badly.
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