At my EAP appointment, we role played how to talk to W about the problems we have, and my frustration over his repeated agreements to do things without ever following through. (This applies across the board to just about every problem we have in this relationship. He says what it takes to placate me for the moment whether or not he intends to actually do it.)
W and I went to dinner as planned, to a steakhouse. He enjoyed it a lot. I sat and looked at him on the other side of the table. We talked little. Status quo. I wanted to start the discussion that I had earlier role played. I didn't. I wimped. I also sat and wondered how BJ's discussion with his wife was going and kept waiting to feel the vibration of my phone in my pocket as BJ was to call when it was over.
W and I headed home. About halfway home from the restaurant my phone vibrated. Yes, W was sitting right there next to me. We both heard the buzz of the phone and he said, "Hmm, one of us has a call." We both pulled out phones. I answered seeing on the display that it was BJ. W was sitting next to me. I spoke little and mostly answered yes and no to BJ's questions. Was I able to talk? No. Could I text him when I got freed up? Yes. A couple of more I don't remember. I hung up and W immediately asked who it was. I told him it was my supervisor asking if I'd finished a project. Lame. He didn't appear to believe me but said little. I changed the subject to my bad need for some dental floss to release a bit of dinner between two teeth. Again lame. I made the decision in my head that if he called me on my story I'd come clean, and we'd go ahead and have the dreaded talk right then and there. He didn't.
W's digestive tract was not happy with some of the rich foods he'd had for dinner, and he headed straight to the downstairs bathroom when we got home. I said I was going up to change clothes. I texted BJ on the way upstairs. He called. Standing in the closet (well, it's a big walk in closet) in the bedroom I talked briefly with BJ, long enough to find out the conversation went about as well as could be expected. Suddenly, and without warning (how the hell did he come up so quietly?) W was in the doorway talking to me. I snapped the phone closed. Poor BJ. At least he told me later he heard W's voice in the background just before the phone went dead so he knew why it happened. I don't think that W caught that I was on the phone, or at least he didn't say so.
Okay this is getting way too long for the quick update it was intended to be. I am nothing if not wordy. I'll wind up by saying that in spite of BJ telling his wife of my existence she hasn't yet tried calling that one number that repeatedly appears on their cell phone bill. Of course, that doesn't mean she won't. If she does, I will handle it as best I can with as much dignity as possible.
No mushroom clouds, but I still feel as though the finger is poised just over the red button.
I so need to stop reading my horoscope. I didn't need to hear this today:
You may be so firmly resolved in your current beliefs that no one will be able to talk you out of your perspective. You know what must be done and are willing to enroll others to help you in your quest, even if it means hiding your true intentions. Be aware of your own power or you might inadvertently trample over someone's feelings on the way to your destination.