Monday, August 07, 2006

Anybody Get Any Yesterday?

Anybody? Anybody?

Not me. Nope. Just a few kisses when we went to bed.

This has gone so according to script. We've done this so many times before through the years. I complain enough to where W resumes intimacy with me. At first, we fool around a lot, several times a week, tapering down in a couple of weeks to maybe once or twice a week, again tapering after a couple of weeks to once every couple of weeks, finally tapering back to not at all. This is our pattern. This is what we do. We're just cycling through like we always do.

What I really don't get is that W acts like he really enjoys it when we do it. Is it just an act? Does he do it just to get me to shut up? If so, he's a damn fine actor. Does he really enjoy it? If so, why doesn't he want to do it some more?

In recent discussions, W has made it clear that he thinks I have an overactive libido. Now, to me the perfect number of times for sex is once or twice a week on average, but I'd settle for two or three times a month if I could get that much. To me, this doesn't sound like an overactive libido at all. To him, it does.

One third of our childfree time has already expired. N will be back on Wednesday. We have tonight and tomorrow basically when we can get as wild as we want. If we spend that time like yesterday afternoon and evening we'll be really well rested by the time N gets home. Tense, but well rested. Oh how I wish we would greet N back from camp being tired, sore, but very, very relaxed.


Stinkypaw said...

W might really enjoy it when he does, but he may not crave it. I've known a guy that was like that. Once we were doing it all was great and he enjoyed it, but unlike me he didn't need/want it. He was happy when it happened. I also don't think you have an overactive libido - I'd say it's quite normal actually.

Now, for the last few posts you've been wanting to scratch an itch like there's no tomorrow. Let's be honest here, you so fucking want to jump the fence that you're pulling rabbits out of your ass to do it. For fuck sake! Whenever I think or read that you are doing better, in whichever way that might be (like "letting go" of J, or not going thru with the 3some or the other guy, G.) you always come up with an even more fucked up scenario! What gives? Talk with your husband! Be open, be as honest as you can and tell him that his lack of interest in sex with you is driving you to post adds on the web to get laid. Ask him if that's what he wants? Confront him! Tell him how frustrated you are about him having those goddamn pills and doing sweet fuckall with them! These games you're playing have to stop! From your writting I can tell that you're depression is resurfacing, and that's not good! You need to address that as well!

What's the worst that can happen? He'll get upset, so what, it's the perfect time N isn't home! He'll threaten you about leaving or such? You guys are so far along the road of divorce anyway...

Girl, you have to be honest with yourself. It's time for you to stop bullshitting your way out and deal with what's on your plate!

P.S. Excuse the language!

trueself said...

You almost had me. I almost was convinced you were right. . . until I thought it through.

I am NOT trying to destroy this marriage. I do NOT want to talk to W about this anymore. We have talked. We've talked and talked and talked. Just because it doesn't say it on this blog doesn't mean it isn't there. This blog isn't comprehensive by any means. We have talked. I've made it clear to W that I am tempted to stray. Okay, so I haven't told him that I put an ad on the web, but what purpose would that serve? It would certainly prevent me from following through. It would certainly destroy what little trust is still present. You may think we are headed for divorce anyway, but I no longer think so. I think I've got a way to make it work so that W is happy (still married to me), N is happy (intact home), and I'm happy (physically satisfied). As long as I can keep it undercover, then I think this is the best solution. I haven't gone into this lightly, haven't just jumped on impulse. I thought long and hard about this. I've thought about for a couple of months before deciding to go through with it. I've weighed the pros and cons. Maybe my life is fucked up. Maybe I'm making it worse. Then again, for all I know, I may be making it better. I'm not the first person to have an affair, nor will I be the last. If it's fucked up to seek out companionship when you're lonely then I'm fucked up royally. If W wanted to be that companion he could be. He doesn't. He wants a different kind of companionship. Maybe if I'm getting laid elsewhere I can be the kind of companion he wants without being irritated all the time. Maybe we can be the friends he wants to be without the pressure of sex there.

You don't have to agree. I know you don't agree. That's okay. I respect that your opinion is different from mine. I don't expect others to understand what I'm doing or why. What's important is that I understand what I'm doing and why, and I do.

Stinkypaw said...

Trueself, it's not even a question of me agreeing or not. Yes we have different opinion, and that's fine. What gets to me is that you say you've thought about this and weighed the pros and cons, really? Then why are you still having doubts? If you were so decided about it you wouldn't be so undecisive about this whole thing. I have no issue with you wanting to have an affair, what I have an issue with is the fact that if you get caught you will then feel like crap. If you were truly emotionally ready and simply looking for a good fuck, I'd be the first to tell you to go ahead, but it's not like that and you know it. You want affection, you want to be loved and feel loved and unless you get emotionally involved with someone you will NOT get that. That's why it is/was so hard for you to let go of J, you were hoping for him to love you back they way you do him...

And please do not think for one second that N will be happy because he's living in an intact home, that's bull and you know it. The kid already can sense that there's tension between W and you, so please! If you're not happy and pretend when you're around W, N will pick it up, trust me! Give him a little credit than that. You're trying to please everyone by patching things, but like every patch work, eventually things rip and then the shit will hit the fan!

I guess as long as you think you know/understand what and why you're doing, things will go they way they have.

Whatever makes you happy...