Thursday, August 10, 2006

Yesterday Morning

Almost forgot. Yesterday morning W and I did have just a little playtime before I left for work. Actually, I played with him. He just lay there. He did say "Thank you, I love that" when I quit. Woohoo. Of course, I had hoped that what I was doing was starting something more, not the be all, end all, but no luck. I went to work just as frustrated as ever. This is why I don't usually, and shouldn't, initiate.


aphron said...

Let me ask you a question: does W masturbate? It sounds as if he is getting his "jollies" somewhere else. Porn, masturbation, etc.

Just my $0.02.

trueself said...

Nope. At least he says he doesn't, but what do I know about what he does when I'm at work all day?

He swears that he has just lost interest in all things sexual. So I guess this is what I get for being with someone so much older than myself. Maybe if I was his age (72) I wouldn't care about sex either.

BJ said...

Oh man, that's just not right. Rest assured your head woulda been spinning had it been me there. Count on it.

trueself said...

Damn straight it isn't right. There's not a damn thing here that's right. Not one damn thing.

Jaws said...

He's 72? Maybe he is telling the truth, I mean he did go get the prescription, so he obviously cares about you enough to face the embarassment of the doc appt. , but maybe at 72 maybe he just doesnt care about sex anymore.

How old are you?

LOL what the hell do I know, Im 25!

trueself said...


I'm 45, and if you do the math that's a 27 year age difference.

What did I see in him 20 years ago when I was 25 and he was 52? Maturity beyond what any of the guys my age that I dated showed me. What I didn't fully appreciate was the truth in all the warnings that people gave me about the age difference. I was stubborn, and swore they didn't know what they were talking about. Now I believe I should have listened to their warnings.

Jaws said...

Then divorce him and move towards the life that you want.

If you loved him you wouldnt have an affair.

Life is damn short, spend it with someone you truly love.

Jaws said...

Sorry, didnt mean to come off as a rude smart ass.

trueself said...

That's okay. I can be a rude smart ass myself sometimes! ;-)

You're young, and when I was your age I would've said similar things. The thing is as you get older you understand that there is more than romantic love, more to take into account than your own happiness. Sometimes you stay because you wouldn't feel right abandoning your spouse, because your spouse needs you, because you pledged to be there for him/her when you married. But you also need more because something, some piece, is missing. That's where I am. No, I didn't expect to be here, but I am and just dealing with it the best I can. Maybe I'm not making the best choices or the right choices. I don't know, but I'm trying.

Emily said...

You know, one of the reaons I've found it hard to comment here is that I am worried about you.

And I am worried about you.

Also, of course, officially, I disapprove. I really do. I would feel kind of bad if I appeared to think what you are doing is okay.

But the honest truth is that I understand. I really do.


trueself said...

You aren't the only one worried about me, and I really do appreciate people's concern.

And just so you know, I officially disapprove of what I'm doing, too. I think that's why I struggle with it so.