Thursday, September 13, 2007

Apologies

Thank you Val, and thank you Stinkypaw, for bringing me up short on the suicide thing. Your comments were very instrumental in helping me see what I was doing from the other person's perspective. Since you two pricked my conscience on this issue, I have felt very bad that perhaps I had made BJ feel the way that the two of you had expressed to me. That was never ever my intention at all and just didn't see it from that perspective until you showed it to me. I had always thought of it as more of an academic discussion, more of a theoretical "this would be the only way out of this situation" where I MEANT that to say that short of suicide I'm just going to have to find a way to deal with the situation, and now I know that the way it was heard was that I might consider that a viable option for dealing with the situation. Nothing could be further from the truth. I do not, for me, consider suicide as a viable option ever to get out of anything. I'm rambling on here, but I hope I'm making at least some sense here.

Last night I apologized to BJ for all the times I'd ever included suicide in a discussion about my problems. I explained to him what I explained in the paragraph above. He accepted my apology.

And now I extend an apology to Val and Stinkypaw, and to any other readers that may have taken statements that I have made here as threats or consideration of suicide. I am very sorry. It was not ever my intention for anyone to think that I might commit suicide. I wouldn't and I won't, and I will try to remember to keep suicide out of conversations about problems and how to deal with them, but if I do let it slip in (I'm not perfect after all) please call me on it, remind me the pain that my statements can cause. I am very sorry.

6 comments:

D said...

TS - Having been in a suicidal state myself I understand just how you did mean it whe you spoke of it but I also recognise that the others are correct in their views. It's good to see that you realised this yourself and acted upon it. Don't give yourself a hard time about what was in the past please.

Jaded Bunny said...

People that play the suicide card all the time are looking for validation and for people to "beg" them not to do it.

Attention whores.

Usually it makes them feel that someone really does care. Enough to "beg" them not to do it.

But really it exhausts the people in the "suicidal" persons life. Often the people hearing it are thinking "shut up already!"

...If you are going to do it, do it.

It's an attention getting way to act and it makes a person look weak and pathetic.

Especially when they have a child to consider.

How extremely selfish.

If it is never an option why mention it?

For ATTENTION.

Trueself said...

D - Thank you. Yes, now that I've made my apologies I can put the past in the past and lay it to rest.

JB - Well, I never thought of it as vying for attention, and I truly never realized people took it that way. However, I find interesting that once I realized the impact and apologized for it you are so quick to criticize me. Thanks for bringing me back down.

Stinkypaw said...

No apologies necessary, really. I just know how it is to be on the receiving end of suicidal talks and it's not good. I actually never really thought you had suicidal thoughts until you mentioned it about your conversations with BJ, but then again I'm not "there" (with you). Too often people will say things like "If this doesn't work, I'll blow my brains out" and often I tell people that it takes a lot of gutts to do such a thing and not everybody has the balls to do it. That usually shut them up a little.

And for Jaded Bunny, not all people "playing the suicide card all the time are attention whores". Some people are really looking for help and that's their way of asking for it - yes it's a lousy way, but it's theirs. We should respect that and try to understand maybe?!

In my case, my father did a good thing when he commited suicide; it was his last selfless act. I think it would have been far more selfish of me to want to keep him around when he was that miserable. I guess we have different views on this.

Jaded Bunny said...

If you go back over my comment you will see that technically I wasn't actually speaking of you, per say, but the type of situation itself.

I am surprised that you would allow a random person such as I to "bring you down"

...in any event, I am simply a "reader" here. I have nothing invested. Nothing ventured (really) and nothing gained.

I find the closed post about the fellow blogger interesting. Funny how even "private" blogs will have a way to get out there. You never know for sure who is reading

...and sharing.

Trueself said...

SP - No, I never said anything like "If this doesn't get better, I'll kill myself." Nope, never said anything close to that. But clearly any talk of suicide whether as an overt threat or as a vague possibility is not a good thing.

JB - Perhaps I react more to seeing your screenname than your actual comments. You've managed to stir so much shit elsewhere that I suppose I assume you are here to do likewise.