And the Roller Coaster Slows

So I finally got my answers last night, still a bit more vague than I’d like, but they do bring a level of peace to me that I couldn’t have quite achieved, or at least not as easily, without them. I was surprised that they hurt a lot less than I had expected. The one thing that disappointed me was that because it took so long for them to be provided I expected longer, more detailed answers, but then again not everyone in the universe is as verbose as I am. Anyway, it makes more sense to me now, and what doesn’t make sense to me I am able to just let be. As I told BJ, I hope that he and his new lady are very happy together, and that I can someday find that same thing for myself.

Overall, the emotions were better over the weekend, much better. Mostly I think that was because BJ and I had talked on the phone on Friday afternoon and made some amount of peace between us at that time. Weepiness pretty much subsided at that point, save the few moments here and there, and one big episode of crying on K’s shoulder yesterday. Nothing says “Thanks for the roll in the hay” quite like dissolving into tears afterwards. There weren’t any more tears until just now as I am writing this post, so the healing is happening.

Probably my worst day last week was Thursday, and then Friday morning too until I got to talk to BJ. That day and a half was spent mostly in tears, even to the point where I spent my lunch hour on Friday crying on W’s shoulder over the breakup with BJ. Bizarre, huh? I felt I had no one else to talk to at the time, and so I just blurted out why I had been so teary-eyed all week, sharing how much I cared for this person and how much it hurt to lose this person. And of all things, W comforted me. What kind of spouse comforts their spouse over the loss of a lover? I don’t know. Life is way weirder and different in real life than I ever expected it to be. Of course, W had to completely piss me off too, when I asked him after the conversation hadn’t he wondered why I’d been teary-eyed all week. His reply: “I just figured it was that time of month, and it would get better soon.”