Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

That's how I feel that my life is going these days. I do feel forward progress, but I also feel that it is slowed quite a bit by the backwards steps I do take here and there.

I know there is a spectrum of behavior that ranges from always defering to someone else's opinion all the way to never defering to someone else's opinion. I believe our current president is a good example of this last end of the spectrum. He will not be swayed from his beliefs no matter the evidence (with the exception of course if one of his "inner circle" can persuade him). For most of my life I have been on the other end of the spectrum. If you and I disagreed I would most likely bow to your belief even if it was a factual matter and I knew I had facts to back me. If it was simply an opinion or point of view I would definitely defer mine for yours.

Now I'm trying to find the equalibrium point on this scale of behavior. I fear that I am going to go way off to the other end of the spectrum before finding that point, but that is the goal, to find the proper balance between listening to and weighing other's viewpoints and asserting my own viewpoint, to learn the fine art of respectfully disagreeing and to decide when it is appropriate and inappropriate to draw a line in the sand.

I am, as I mentioned in my last post, not perfect by any means. I make plenty of mistakes, probably more than most. However, I have to start trusting my judgment more and relying less on others to make my decisions for me. I guess it is unfortunate for me that I have waited so late in life for this personal growth, but better late than never. I suppose it is also unfortunate that BJ is impacted by this phase of my personal growth. Perhaps it would be better for him for me to bow out of his life altogether until I get myself together better. So far I am too selfish to do that, but perhaps that would be the kindest thing I could do for him. Nobody should be stuck dealing with a mess like me.