Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Just in Case You Didn't Already Think I Was Crazy

And in other news today, I finally got the answers from BJ that I’ve needed. It was such a relief I practically turned giddy. Today is quite the day in Trueself’s life.

Now it just so happens W stopped by my work wanting to take me to lunch today. So off we went to the little place close by and sat down. Since I’d already cried on his shoulder last Friday about the breakup I shared with him the answers I’d received, the story as I know it now. Then I asked him if he thought I was crazy to feel the way I do – relieved to know the truth, happy for BJ and his new love, and just in a downright great mood. He said no, he thought it was quite alright and understandable. Who could understand this? Even I don’t completely understand it, but I certainly can’t be angry now that I know the truth of the matter. I’m only a bit peeved it took me over a week to get the truth out of BJ. Let me tell you though, they are right when they say the truth will set you free. It certainly did today, and it certainly should tomorrow when I spill my guts to the marriage counselor and the marriage begins its official demise.

However, I must say that as understanding as W has been to me this past week has me feeling a mighty amount of guilt over still wanting to leave him. To draw a parallel though, I have spent so much time trying not to hurt W that I’ve probably hurt him all the more, and it will be a kindness to finally just spill forth with the whole truth. For those that worry that breaking my silence on the infidelities could jeopardize custody of N rest assured I’ve spoken with an attorney about it. Since I have never introduced N to any of my “men on the side” there should be no impact, particularly since the way W treats N is so bad. I’ve been assured it would be the rare judge indeed who would favor custody with him over me.


Bunny said...

You are correct that infidelity generally is not a factor in child custody. In my state, it can be a factor in spousal support and property division. I don't know if those will be issues with you and W, but they could be. Since you have been the primary breadwinner, he very well could seek spousal support from you.

It doesn't sound like he would want custody of N anyway. While that's sad for N, it's good for you. A child N's age usually will be given a lot of say in the matter, if it comes to a judge making the decision. I can't imagine he would choose W over you.

I am so glad you are feeling better about things

freebird said...

Well, N apart, I sometimes wonder if you and W, and Mr B and I are living in parallel universes!

Good to hear you sounding a bit more up-beat (I think!)

Trueself said...

Bunny - I think you are right that W would not want custody, and I know without a doubt that if asked N would greatly desire to be with me over W.

FB - Yes, I do believe we are living somewhat parallel lives! I can't wait to see how it all turns out, can you? And yes, I am much more up-beat than the last week or so.