Sunday, January 27, 2008

Distractions, Part II

This afternoon, K and I spent a couple of hours romping on his king-sized bed. Oh boy, oh boy, K has absolutely the best sex technique of anyone I have been with ever (I didn't say this before because I didn't want BJ to get hurt feelings by it). The only thing missing when K and I fuck is that we aren't in love. There won't be love there even though the sex is great.

K has the ultimate in sex technique, but it is lacking the intimacy that comes only with love. I wouldn't want that for the rest of my life.

Sex with BJ was the ultimate in intimacy for me, and his technique was pretty damned good too. I would have been absolutely, perfectly happy with that for the rest of my life.

So when it comes right down to it, what's more important in sex, technical expertise or emotional intimacy? I've got to come down on the side of emotional intimacy. Technique can be developed, honed, improved over time if it needs to be, but emotional intimacy is hard to develop if it isn't there.

But for now, in the short term, I sure can't argue with having some fabulous orgasms along with good conversation and good snuggling. It is comforting in it's own way, and it will fill the gap while I heal from the heartbreak before I officially jump back into the dating pool. K is a good distraction from the pain for a couple of hours now and then. Sigh. . . . . . .


Jaded Bunny said...

Bet I'm not the only one laughing out loud at the loaded agenda this post carries.

Trueself said...

JB - I'm so glad you're back! I've missed your comments.

Jaded Bunny said...

Reverse psychology only works on blow jobs.

And only sometimes.

Trueself said...

JB - Whether you believe it or not, I find your comments quite entertaining, and I did indeed miss you. I like your comments because they pull no punches whatsoever. So please know that I do indeed like having you here when you leave comments.

And I will admit I totally don't get how reverse psychology would work on blow jobs. Care to illuminate me?

Jaded Bunny said...


Want to know what I really think?

Trueself said...

Absolutely seriously. I really would like to know what you think.

Jaded Bunny said...

Going only on what is before me....

You need to care more about yourself. Have a little pride. Confidence can be built and even faked but it shows. As does lack there of.

Work on your appearance and you will feel better about yourself. Do your hair, put on some make up. Give a shit.

You actually believe people have an aversion to you? Why is that?

The whole BJ thing? God. Get over it.

Leave that sham of a marriage and stop stalling and making excuses.

Rather personal?

Considering all of the factors, why adopt a child? Do that shit on purpose, then be like this? It is a crying shame.

Trueself said...

JB - You make some valid points. However, I will say that I do my hair every day (with the exception of two or three days after the accident when I just let it go) and makeup and me just ain't gonna happen, not now, not ever. Natural beauty is enough.

Why do I believe people have an aversion to me? Because they always have. I am so horribly shy that I think I give off "stay away" vibes. However, thanks to therapy the last few years I am getting better about that and am no longer shocked and surprised when people are happy to see me.

Definitely have to get over the BJ thing. Just not able to do so overnight, but I am making really good progress on it.

I am leaving the sham of a marriage. He will be out of the house soon.

Why adopt a child? Because I didn't know that the way W treated me (with kid gloves and gentleness and kindness) was not going to be the way he would treat a child. I did not know that he would make such a lousy parent, and in the process, ruin not only the parent/child relationship but the marriage too. And you'll notice that we didn't adopt a second one, not by his choice but by mine. He was anxious to adopt a brother or sister for N, but I stood my ground and said no way would I bring another child into this mess. It is a crying shame. I completely agree.

Now, why would you have thought I wouldn't have wanted those comments? I welcome comments, particularly those that either provide me some new insight or those that ask questions that allow me to clarify things.

Jaded Bunny said...


The harsh reality of how an unattached party views these snippets of ourselves floating in the cyberspace can be harsh.

Sadly, too many others chime in agreement when they are in a similar situation. Even become supportive of the chaos. I've seen it here and elsewhere.

And yet others are thinking things are screwy but lack the balls to say it, so they silently read.

Then there is me.

Oh, I'll read quietly, silently even. Biting my tongue but in a moment of sheer and utter clarity I must spit it out and hit that orange button.

I can see right through all of this and I gotta say.... cut the crap, right out loud. This usually freaks people out and pisses them off.

Who do I think I am?

Although I am not perfect I have lived and learned and emerged a whole person.

So, there you have it.

Trueself said...

JB - I'm not here to gather backers and supporters. I would rather have the comments that challenge me, even though I will admit it is quite comforting to get a few of the supportive kind too. I think you shouldn't sit and read and bite your tongue. I think you should say what you want to say. Sounds like maybe you've been commenting on blogs where your abrupt manner isn't necessarily welcomed and understood. Come back here anytime and let me have it with both barrels, even though I'm sure it isn't as fun as messing with people that have a harder time taking it. I've lived and learned too and while I may or may not be as evolved as you I have emerged as a whole enough person to be secure enough to take criticism for what I can learn from it rather than just getting hurt by it.

Val said...

Whoa, JB, let me loan you a crowbar for that plank, alright?
Looks like you need more than a tissue & a bottle of eyewash...

Trueself said...

Val - Believe it or not, I do think JB means well.